I'm going to die in College [TodoDeku]

Win my trust again

-Midoriyas POV-

"You broke my heart and all you have to say is sorry?" 

He shakes his head, a little bit too violently "No, no, please listen me out" 

I look skeptical at him "You told me yourself that you can't explain all the things you did, yet we sit here and you say you will explain" 

"You're right, I can't explain, but I want to fix it, really" 

I cross my arms "How do I know that you are telling the truth?" 

"I don't know, but I want to fix this".

Not that I don't want to fix this, but how can I trust him now? After all the shit I've been through, I really have trust issues.

"Listen, I love you, more than you can imagine right now" he makes a pause "And I know that I screwed up, really, really bad" 

I nod "Glad you noticed. Do you know how lonely I felt lately? And after what happened yesterday, when no one was there when I came back late, you know how that felt?" 

He shakes his head "I'm sorry" 

"That's what everyone says all the time. These two words don't have any meaning anymore. If you are really sorry, show it".

I don't care if it's impossible right now. Actions speak more than words, or something like that. 

Why do people think it's okay to hurt someone and then come back? Do they know how much it hurts? Do they think it is a joke and we won't get hurt, that we don't have emotions?

"Forget it, Todoroki" I put my hands on the table and look him in the eyes "You wanted to talk, you wanted to fix this. So go on, what else do you have to say?" his eyes fill a little bit with hope.

"I just can't live without you. I know it sounds like in a cliche movie, but since I met you, you brightened up my life. In the past I always pretended t be happy, but the truth was that there was something missing, then I met you and everything got better" 

"It really sounds cliche" he looks down.

"Listen, I really love you and I really want to fix this. And I know you've been through so much-" 

"Yeah you're right. I've been through a lot of shit. Why do you expect me to come back every time?" I really want to cry right now, but no tears are coming out. "Do you think you can say sorry all the time and I will just accept it and come back? Do you really think that low of me?" 

"What, of course not" 

I shake my head "Then what do you think?" he stays silent "Okay, doesn't matter" 

"No it does!" 

"Then why didn't you say anything a second ago?" he flinches a little.

"I just don't know how to bring it in words, other than I'm sorry" 

"That's what they all say, then they hurt you again, then expect you to come back like an idiot" he tries to take my hands but I pull back 

"I'm the idiot here, Midoriya. I am the one who fucked up and acts like an idiot. And I want to fix this" he tries to reach out for my hands again but I hide them under the table.

"You know, my father often told me that no one will ever love me, that's impossible. You know, Tomura is the reason why I have trust issues. You know that Iida and Uraraka are friends with me because I was just a loser who couldn't survive without friends. Did you know all this?" I really have no tears right now to let out "I am really impossible to love. I am just a boring person" 

He shakes his head "No! You are not. If that was true, then why did I fall in love with you? You think so low of yourself, it even hurts me, I can't imagine how you feel" 

"It crushes my soul" I shake my head and almost whisper. I look over at him and see a tear rolling down his cheek "It just became a part of my thinking, Todoroki. I've been thinking like this for years. The only love and escape, was the love of my mother and that was enough for the years" he wipes the tear away and looks me in the eyes "Then I met you. You just didn't want to leave me alone and made me fall in love with you. Then I also needed your love, but there came so much trouble, it's tiring" I chuckle, not in a funny or happy way, but in a sad way, like I'm about to break.

"Then why don't fix this, so you won't have much problems?" 

"So you will hurt me again?" 

He shakes his hands in front of him "No. I will promise that I won't hurt you" 

"That's what they all say" I look down, on the table, for a moment and then look up at him again "How will I trust you now? How will I know that you will keep your promise?" 

"You won't know. You just need to trust me like this" I stay silent and look down again.

We sit in silence, not even looking at each other. I think about what he said. I even overthink it, if you want to say it like that. It really feels like hours. I can hear how other costumers come in and leave, I even forgot that we are in a public place. This silence is filled with pain, well for me at least.

"Listen you just can't always cut off people like this" 

I flinch and look up at him "Snip snip" I smile a little and wait until he looks me in the eyes. 

"Stop smiling, I'm serious" 

I nod "I know, and I want to give you a chance" I put my hands on the table again and take a sip of my coffee.

"Not that we will be a thing again. I can't trust you like that again, well not now. But we can start of as friends, I can try and build my trust up, and you can learn not to fuck up" he nods.

"You deserve better that me. I just run away from my problems and have really big trust issues" 

"That's not true. Even If I deserved better, in the end of the day I would always choose you" I smile and finally feel tears rolling down my cheeks.

"So we will start of as friends?" I nod "So 7 am mode?" 

I shake my head "Oh no, no way" he laughs

"But I want you to understand that I'm sorry" I looks down again and my smile fades away "And I really love you, Izuku".

Edited