Chapter 9

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"No, no, no." My editor grumbled as he rejected my work again. "This is not enough."

"How could it possibly be not enough?" I sighed, I was truly getting fatigued by this. All I wanted was for my book to be published.

"You did what I said, you made it safe but now you took out the good stuff. The meat of the story." He said as he handed me back the papers of my book. "There's no feeling in it. It's just you talking about life."

"The book is about life. That's the point." I defensively snapped back.

"And how is the life for the negro woman? That is what we want to know." He motioned his hand toward me. "And how can we convey that without having the Klan at my fucking door?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure if I'm ready to do this anymore." I doubted myself.

"You were born ready. You just have to find out how you're going to go about this stuff." He said as he tilted back in his seat. I was silent, holding my papers in my hand. He felt bad, so he softened up. "Listen, go home... get some rest... and interact with people. How does the world move around you? Maybe then you'll figure out how you feel about the world."

"I feel like the world isn't ready to hear the message I'm about to give to them." I said in a hoarse voice.

He pursed his lips together, in his eyes there was still hope for what I was doing. "Then make them ready."

Upon returning home, I was in a glum mood because of what happened. Paul was already getting dressed to head out.

"You're leaving already?" I asked as he buttoned up his shirt.

"Yeah, I've got some things to do for class." Paul told me. I seemed fatigued, so he stopped what he was doing and walked over. "Everything okay?"

I shut my eyes as he wrapped his arms around me. "I don't know, Paul. This book is really tolling one me and at the same time I feel like we're different."

"We're different? I don't think we are." Paul shook his head. "We're happy."

"Are we?" I looked into his eyes. "It's been so long since we—"

"We've both been busy... it's either I'm stuck in class or trying to get a play or you're writing that book of yours." Paul sighed. "Have you gotten any freelance work?"

"Yes. My editorial went into the paper this month." I nodded with a frown as Paul embraced me. "But that doesn't negate the fact that we aren't connecting as we should."

"It's been a while since we've gotten together... and we've both become busy people." Paul rose his voice. "And I'm sure when you're out you come across other guys..."

"Other guys? Never... I don't even see other men." I told him. The truth was I did, I'd been deprived of sex for so long I considered it. "Well... how about you? Have you been seeing women?"

"No. You're the only one." He reassured me. "Unless you count Marlon."

"What?" I asked.

"Nothing." He laughed. "I'm just trying to lighten the mood."

"Well my heart feels heavy." Removed myself from in his arms. "Paul..."

His blue eyes peered down at his leather wrist watch. "Baby, I would love to have this conversation but I've gotta get going."

"Oh... yeah go ahead." I nodded as he walked to the door. Inside, I wanted to tell him to stay with me. But I didn't want to get in his way.

Now that I was alone in the apartment, I made my way to my bedroom. Shutting the door behind me, I couldn't shake the feeling of want Paul was causing. With my back against the door, I ran my fingers along my collar bones.

Then, I stood up straight and walked to my bed. Bending over, I reached into my side table. Slowly I scooped out a neck massager. As I switched it on, it began to buzz and vibrate. With my eyes shut, I allowed it to run slowly between my breasts. Suddenly my clothes were beginning to make me feel restrained, so I stripped myself down naked.

Crawling under the covers of my bed, I took the massager and began to pleasure myself. No one knew my body the way I knew it, and so it was easy to give myself pleasure. Allowing it to buzz on my core, I slowly would slide it in as well. I exhaled, my eyes shut and my arm resting below my head while my other worked the massager between my legs. The bed sheets tended as my knees were bent underneath them.

And then the door opened...

"Oh—" Marlon said awkwardly as he tried to crack the door shut. I immediately sat up and covered my exposed breasts with the bed sheets. Marlon slowly opened the door reluctantly, not exactly sure how he should act. "I thought I heard something."

"Heard what?" I asked as Marlon continued on entering in my room. His eyes didn't once leave mine, his stride was confident and meaningful.

"My neck massager." Marlon clenched his jaw as he stood beside my bed.

"Neck massager?" I lied, embarrassed this was happening in the first place. With a risen brow, Marlon looked to the place on the sheets where a vibrating noise continued on. I knew I was caught red handed.

"Fine." I turned off the massager and lifted it from under the sheets. "But I've already been using it for a while..."

"And the thought of that is my dream come true." Marlon grinned as he took the massager from where I held it up. "But after all, the thing does belong to me."

I grinned, resting my back against the headboard as I held the sheets to my chest. Then, I noticed Marlon's muscular body. He wasn't even wearing a shirt... it was like torture. Immediately I chastised myself for even looking at Marlon in that way, remembering I had a boyfriend. A boyfriend who loved me.

Marlon however, was ruthless. There was no stopping his flirtatious behavior. He took the phallic massager and lightly brushed it against my neck. "If you need it at any time, just let me know."

"I won't." I said coldly, wanting so badly not to feel an attraction to him. "I'll be just fine without it."

"If you say." Marlon winked, then he exited the room. I exhaled, luckily I passed the test of not falling under Marlon's spell. However, I couldn't tell how long that'd last.

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