The One I Need; Namtaemin(sequel to The One I Want)

Changes

Namjoon

    "Please, Ryuuu...don't fuss. Listen to appa and I'll let you play while I prepare your bath." I coo softly to the squirming, whining, baby girl in my arms.
     She cries and pulls on my hair with her chocolate stained hands. Groaning, I walk swiftly over to Taehyung who's lounging lazily on the couch and plop her down heavily on his stomach.
     He curses. "Hey! Warn a person, huh! I could have dropped her." He pouts, sitting up and bouncing her on his lap. A little smile gracing his lips. He loves Ryujin to death. Nearly as much as Jimin and I. I know he's a little jealous, too, though.
     After Jimin had her, I began to feel deep remorse for making Tae lose his own baby. Taking that chance away from him. It was wrong for him to go about it the way he did but what I did was truly unforgivable. Ryujin could have a little sibling to play with if not for me.
     Tae, on the other hand, has seemed to have lost all grudges and just accepts his life as it is. He unhappy yet content. Just drifting through life like a shadow of his former cocky and mischievous self. It makes me sad, actually.
     "Do you need help bathing her? I'll do it so you can go cook dinner." He offers.
     I sigh gratefully. "Okay. I already put her ducky toys and barbies in the tub. Her shampoo and soap is on the floor right beside the faucet." I explain.
     He rolls his eyes and gets up, swinging her effortlessly onto his hip. "I know that. You act like I don't help you every time it's your turn to take her. She loves me more than you." He smiles proudly.
     I grumble knowing he's probably right. Ryujin loves Taehyung and clings to him most of the time. His childish nature much appeal to her.
    "Fine, fine! Go and I'll start dinner." I walk into the kitchen and bring the annoyingly grueling task of making a meal. It's easy to make Ryujin's food. She's happy with simple rice or macaroni and cheese. Taehyung is another story. He's so fucking picky and finicky about his meals but refuses to let me hire a chef for us.
     I'm pretty sure it's his way of revenge. He knows I suck at this shit! And yet...he still eats the stuff I put out. Luckily I've gotten much better at meals now, though.
     I'm leveling up!
     My ears are filled with loud laughter and baby cries as Tae bathes Ryujin. A smile crosses my face at the mental image. Of course I wish it were Jimin here bathing our daughter and me making him a meal.
     It's him I wish I could take to bed at the end of the night to end this everlasting solitude. Taehyung has become such an important companion to me but...that's all he can be. I can't have him and he can't have me.
     It's not like that with us. We share each other's pains and burdens and try to lessen them the best we can but both of us are still drowning in misery and loneliness.
     Ryujin is the only thing that numbs the pain to near nothingness. She makes us both happy. So I don't dare try to discourage her closeness with Taehyung. He need this just as much as I do. The connection to family. To love. To being needed.
     Jimin is going on a date tonight.
    I've been struggling to come to terms with that knowledge all night. It's been a little over two years since we ended things officially between us but I've always kept close tabs on his doings. To make sure he's happy.
      In all that time, however, he's never seemed to even look at anyone else.
Until now.
    I don't really know how to feel right now. Am I upset? No. Am I jealous? Not really...maybe anxious is the right word?
     My feelings for Jimin have morphed over time from lust to possessiveness to protectiveness. I feel like he needs me to be there to protect him. Even from afar and without his knowledge.
     I've gone so far as to visit the coffee shop where he met his date just to check him out. Jaehyun. Age 22 and attending college for business and art. Works part time at the coffee shop to earn his living expenses. No family to speak of. A cheerful but loner guy.
      And way too fucking into Park Jimin. I'll admit, he doesn't seem to have any bad intentions but what the hell is a young guy like that going to do with an older man with a child? He could chose much easier options, really.
     It makes me suspicious that maybe he wants to use Jimin. Maybe he sees through his insecurities and loneliness and wants to take advantage of that? I can't let that happen. Jimin will always be important to me whether he accepts me or not.
     He has the freedom to choose who he wants but I want to at least make sure they are worthy for him and our daughter. I can have a say in that, at least.

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     Ryujin is fast asleep in the backseat by the time I drive out to meet Jimin. I find him parked in an unfamiliar car and instantly know his date has driven him here.
They both step out of the car while I busy myself—and mine—with gathering all of Ryujin's toys and diaper bag. I lift her tired little body into my arms and carry her to him. Her little hands lock on my shirt.
"He doesn't have a car seat."
Jimin falters in his steps, looking back at Jaehyun. "He's just dropping me off. I was wondering if you could drive us home, actually."
My frozen heart thaws a bit and happiness fills me but I keep it in check. It's just a ride. "Of course." I nod towards the other guys as he waves and takes his leave. Relief washes through me.
I put Ryujin back in her seat and buckle her up before getting behind the wheel and observing the man I love. The man I long for.
"How was it?" I begin the drive towards Jungkook's house.
He fidgets with the rips in his pants, avoiding my questioning gaze. "It was...really nice, actually. I had a good time." His voice is hushed almost as if he's afraid to admit it out loud.
My hands tighten around the steering wheel but I keep my calm. "Do you see it going anywhere?"
"Maybe. It was just a first date. We agreed to go out again, though, next weekend after his exams."
"What about Ryujin?"
"She's with you unless you have plans and can't watch her. Hoseok can babysit." He shrugs nonchalantly, glancing back at the tiny bundle of sleeping joy behind him. "Is that okay?"
"I won't have plans."
He nods, glancing at me for the first time since he got into the car. "Thank you for not making a big deal out of this."
"What—you thought I'd make a scene? We aren't together. I don't own you, Jimin. You're more than welcome to find someone. I won't stop you from that." No matter how much it tears me to shreds. I deserve this.
He observes me while I focus on driving. "You've changed a lot, you know? I like it."
"All people grow up and change. It's not that deep."
He chuckles quietly. "You've gotten more handsome."
I scowl through the window. "Are you mocking me?"
His bright smile lights up my entire world. My heart shutters. "Just stating facts."
"In that case...I'm pretty sure you've grown shorter."
"Asshole!"
"Just stating facts, midget." The smile refuses to fade from my face.