Poem For You...

Insomnia (25/10/2019)

I hated the idea of going to sleep
It's like permitting yourself to drown

It's like trying to give up on breathing
Like selling your mind and conscious to a stranger

But we are addicted to the things we hate
The same way we are addicted to the things we love

So I ended up craving the heroin
Which I have loathed for reasons I fear declaring

And so I spent my nights
Battling the sheets and the pillows

Threatening them with a sharp razor blade
Demanding they take my inner voice away

Unaware of it's nature, a monster or an illusion
But it holds the power to dominate over my head

My mind saying,"Why waste hours in bed when we could repeat memories again and again?"

Remembering all the mistakes, all the damage caused
And all the betrayal and misunderstandings

Wondering,"How do they see me?
Do they recall all the embarrassing things I've done?"

And it just feels like my brain is a little cage
With thousands of birds flying around

Like there are innocent men inside my skull
Banging on the walls trying to escape this prison

Like children trying to run away from the dark but they're hiden
In the basement of a man they thought they could trust

But how can you trust anyone
When you can't even trust your own brain?

Staring at the ceiling
Frustration boiling inside my veins

And when I finally see the children of the sun
Spreading through the Earth

I get up with annoyance discouraging me
And attempting to bring me down

I feel astray in the world I've been living in for years
As if it has become a Labyrinth

And I keep getting lost, forgetting where to go
But I continue pushing forward

Fighting irritation, wanting to keep this problem in my bedroom
I don't know if it's fear or shame

Desire to hide and do nothing or do everything at once
Ignoring the problem that hunts me down

I don't want this to keep me from living my life
So I pretend I have never even heard of it

So I take the pills every night hating the powder I have to rely on
To skip the long hours of each night

How could I not abhor it?
For it demands it's dominance over me

I don't know which I detest the most
Insomnia, sleeping pills, or having to live with both