her ocean eyes // billie eilish

chapter 50

Katherine's POV

I pulled my blankets up to my chin, immediately feeling a weight on my entire body. But, a weight that wasn't actually there.

I flip over, grabbing my phone to check the date.

Yep, November 28th. Ugh.

I'm not sure why I expected to wake up and the day just be skipped but, I did.

I notice Bil isn't in bed, but I smell the familiar smell of syrup and batter coming from my kitchen, which leads me to guess she made pancakes. My little chef.

But, I don't think I can even get up.

I hear footsteps coming towards my room, so I quickly cover my face, knowing I look bad without even seeing myself.

"Hey, baby. I made you waffles." She says, pulling the blankets off my face. "You're so pretty." She smiles while placing her hand on my cheek.

I groan, but I still take the plate of most likely vegan waffles, and I sit up a little bit.

"How you feelin?" She says, crawling beside me on the bed.

I don't answer, as I chew the fork fulls of gooey and sweet triangles of waffle.

"Do you need anything?" She tries again, obviously just wanting something out of me.

"Do we have any tequila?" I say, which puts her face into absolute shock.

"I'm just gonna say no." She laughs. But, I wasn't kidding.

"Look, I just want something to cheer me up. What about weed? Do you know where to get that? Coke? Or xans?" I say, blandly.

She looks at me, worryingly.

"No, Kat. I don't know where to get any of that." She says, standing up to get off the bed.

"I'll be back." She says, grabbing her phone and walking into the hallway.

I'm never like this. I never have a craving for any drugs or anything. Frankly, I hate it. But, right now I just need something to self medicate. To ease the pain. To make me feel better.

I grab my phone, swiping through my contacts until I reach the person I need.

I begin typing, as I hear Billie in the hallway talking to somebody. I continue typing while I eavesdrop.

"She's acting off. She asked me for drugs. I've never seen her beg me for fucking drugs." She sounds like she's tearing up. "Not just anything small either. She asked me if I knew where to get coke. The fuck?"

I finish typing, sending the text to Madison.

She'll know where to get it.

She answered almost immediately, and as she did, Bil walked back in.

Perfect.

"Hey, baby. Come on, we need to go somewhere. You need to get out of the house." Billie says, putting her hand on my thigh.

"Would you ever do drugs with me?" I say.

"Fuck no. Never."

"So I'd have to do it alone? Someone's already on their way with something"

Her face drops, and she starts playing with her rings.

"What if you get addicted Katherine. I cant lose you to drugs. That's killing yourself." She says, sniffling in between sentences.

"Maybe I wanna kill myself."

My phone rings, and I answer before Bil could see what the name on my screen was.

"Who's this person? Are they dangerous? I'm going with you."

She stands up, but I push her slightly back onto the bed.

I walk out of the room, as Madison tells me to meet her outside.

I walk up to her, with my hood on my head and no shoes on.

"Yo." She says. "You look rough."

I nod.

"What's gotten into you. I'm worried." She says, placing her hand on my arm. "Is it this new girl? You know I'll take care of her for you." She cracks her knuckles.

"Yeah, yeah. Nah. Not Billie, never her. It's my brothers memorial day." I say, but I quickly change the subject. "What all do you have?"

"Jesus, Kat. Maybe I shouldn't give you any of this. I don't want no depression deaths."

Most people who take drugs while depressed don't seem to give a fuck about what happens to them so they overdose.

"No deaths here. Give me something dude, I don't care what it is." I say, but she places a bag in my hand before I went on.

"Weakest shit I got but still strong." She grazes her hand against my neck. "No cost."

She closes her car door. As she's driving away, she yells out, "Miss you kid. Text me more."

I didn't want to though. The guilt is already kicking in.

I turn to see Billie looking at me from my bedroom window, in tears.

I walk back into my house, and Billie runs to me with an embrace.

"I don't know why I'm hugging you but I love you so much and I'm so scared for you and I don't want you to resort to this drugs shit." She says, sobbing into my shoulder.

I kiss her cheek, whipping her tears with my thumb.

"I'll be okay. It's just a one day thing."

"You're still going to do it?" She says, expecting her speech to work.

I hand her one pill out of my bag, with only two pills in it.

"Just once. It'll be fun, and it'll give us good sex."

"This will ruin my career."

"They don't drug test you, Billie."

She pauses to think for a second.

"Okay. Just once."

a/n

this isn't edited at all i'm sorry oops