Soul Lines (Completed)

Chapter Thirty-Four

Chapter Thirty-Four
Elle's POV

As I stared at the stars in the sky, tiny pinpricks of light blinking in and out of existence, I thought about what it would be like to be so far away from everything.

It would be lonely.

But sometimes, being surrounded by people doesn't make us feel less alone.

Staring at the stars, I realised how easy it was to forget we were small. To us, those stars were small, the tip of our thumb could replace the moon, and we could shade the sun with just a little more effort.

But those things were so big that they could swallow us whole.

We were small.

Insignificant.

We are not the reason the world spins, and we cannot change how the sun rises in the east and sets in the west.

We forget just how small we are.

The funeral for my parent was meant to be a low-key affair. Many believed there shouldn't have been one, but we planned a simple ceremony for McKenzie and Brent, who were still in the dark. 

Zie and Brent couldn't understand why we were the only ones there, and Nanna lied to cover the truth. 'They moved away so young, not many people remember them.' she said. She had to sit during the service to keep her legs from buckling.

She couldn't explain why after the service – after they had been laid to rest, and as we stood over their bodies staring down as dirt was tossed over their plywood coffins – hundreds of people crowded at the cemetery's edge.

I saw Kaden first.

He stood as a solitary figure, an outcast from the pack, but not alone. He was the only one who stood on cemetery soil, dressed in the mourning black sun. The light that broke through the trees softened any shadows across his face.

I was in white, amongst a sea of black, and I had no doubt he had seen me. I hadn't thought much about what I'd worn. It had been the first dress I had pulled from my wardrobe. It felt fitting.

White was a colour of purity. It was a symbol of light, goodness and innocence. Though I was no longer as innocent as before, I could move past the shadows that had haunted me, step out from the darkness and learn to live for myself, not for the sake of someone else. 

I could no longer impress my parents and didn't want to. Lachlan and Tim were no longer around to determine where I felt safe and what I could accomplish. And Kaden had handed me my autonomy, putting his hopes and fears on the line.

'I'll wait for you.'

I hadn't forgotten the intensity in his words, the way he had held my gaze with such honesty, but yet I couldn't work through the hesitation, the doubt.

'I'll wait for you.'

I didn't doubt his words, the goddess had shed light upon those shadowing thoughts, but I questioned his motives. Why had he kept it a secret? Why hadn't he gotten to know me? Did he not want to spend time with me? Was I not good enough?

'I'll wait for you.'

And then, because self-doubt was a parasite that invaded my thoughts like a flesh-eating bug, I wondered why he hadn't come to me, even though he kept his word.

'Elle.' My bones shook, and ice speared my veins. It was only Jacobi. 'Sorry.' He mumbled. He pulled back, pinching his pockets to restrain himself from reaching out again.

I smiled nervously, wrapping my winter coat tighter across my body as I shuffled out of reach. 'It's okay.'

My answer received a frown and a slight shake of the head, but then he paused, for far too long, his whole body deflating, and he looked up towards the sky. 'No one expects you to be okay, Elle.' His voice was soft and fragile, almost as though it was already cracked and splintered. He dropped his eyes to meet mine. The rims of his eyes were red. 'You don't have to be okay.'