Repulsion

32.

E R I C A

"You sure you are fine?!", I hear him again and roll my eyes.
Taking the ointment on my finger, I slowly apply it on the wound below my left breast. It burns like bitch, but I have endured worse.
"I am fine. It's just a little burning sensation. Not much.", I yell from my bathroom, while he's pacing around in my room.
"Erica I can talk to that cheapster to change your ointment."
I sighed finishing the last mark, and wore a loose shirt to protect them.
My face went all red because of suppressing pain but I am fine with that. I won't let his efforts go in vain.

I came out only to find him sitting on the bed, all worked up.
Hearing me, he looked up in concern, "Erica!"
I went and sat beside him, "Don't worry. I am alright. I'll get used to it."
As I said this, his eyes became focussed on me. And something that I couldn't read flashed in them.
He looked away after I cleared my throat.

When I thought he would leave, he kept a hand on my shoulder and leaned down. Before I could realize anything, I was kissed on my forehead, "Take care. And call me if you need anything."

He left but it felt as if he took away something with him. Something very precious and very dear to me. I couldn't sleep then. A little because my skin was burning. More because my heart was in the room next door. Ugh! What am I thinking!?

I wonder how he managed to do what I myself couldn't. Since the day I got these marks, there hasn't been a single moment when I don't flinch while opening my shirt. May be because I remember the event associated with it. Or because I miss that clear skin I had as a kid.
But he looks at them in anything but disgust. As if some adoration.

And this is why I didn't apply any ointment on a small mark in my upper chest. I just don't have the heart to remove it. And that will not be the mark of abuse I had to go through. That will be my remembrance of how loved I felt at this particular stage of life.
I don't know what is in store of future. But I don't need anything but this. A person who cares for me like I am the last girl on Earth. He's everything that can piss me off, but I never realized when he became as important for me as oxygen..

I reached his room, only to find his door ajar. He was lying on his front, with hands spread wide. His red lips curled into a frown, and of course shirt was on floor. I went in and started arranging his things.
His files were all spread on the table and laptop still on.
I wonder what he was working on, after we finished everything.

There was one pendrive with letter E written on it.
It is not his.
I decided to ask him but his peaceful sleeping form demanded no disturbance.

So I plugged in the pendrive and opened the document in it.
There was one folder named, 'Past photos '
I clicked on it, and it started loading.

Meanwhile I saw him turn on the bed, and his eyes directly fell on me, "Erica what happened? You alright??"

"Yeah I was just arranging this stuff you threw as garbage.", I pointed to everything on the table, and his eyes widened. Why I don't know.

I looked away from him, and the pictures was already half downloaded.
He swiftly came down the bed, "Erica you....!"

The picture downloaded completely, and then I saw it was the picture of my graduation ceremony. Where James and Jessica was standing near me as I received my degree.

A knot formed in my stomach at the realization, and I clicked on next.
A picture of my school group photograph.
Next.
A picture of my sports day.
Next....

"Erica give the laptop here!", And with that the laptop was taken away from me.
I stood up immediately and all what I built initially came crashing down. This kind of disappointment is not new for me, but it hurts more than anything.

I looked up in his eyes, to find him already watching me with conc...I won't name it.
"I thought you are doing everything for my sake. Never knew you have so much interest in my past."

With that, I walked past him and went in my room.
I cannot delete my past. It will come haunting me again and again. If not, people will bring it up deliberately.

I heard banging on my door, "Erica don't misunderstand. I just wanted to know the cause of your marks. Open the door. I want to talk."
But I didn't.
I don't want to talk. I don't want to even look at him right now.

E R I C

I messed up badly.

No voice came from in the room and assuming she might be sleeping I left the room.
God forbid! I didn't get anything except her education, which mom sent me after the promise that I will celebrate my birthday with them. I wasn't even close to finding her whereabouts before she was sixteen. And I didn't have any other intentions except knowing on how she got those marks.
Because it looks like they are because of brutal physical abuse. How can I ignore?

I slept but my thoughts were on the one next door.

I don't know when but I woke up with loud banging on my door.

I got down the bed, rubbing my eyes and opened the door. There she was standing with a annoyed expression with documents in her hand.
What did I do now?
God dammit!
"Come with me!", And with that she pulled me out and dragged me to the dining room.
"Sit here!", I was made to sit on the couch, and then she threw the papers on me, "That's my past!"

My eyes widened in realization, and I looked up only to find her eyes turned cold.
"Erica..I don't need.."
"I found myself unconscious near the place where whole city used to dump their garbage. I was 16 then. Before losing my consciousness, I remember taking help from a man, who was distributing food to beggars. I asked him to give me work, so I could sustain. He agreed. I worked at his place for two days, when one day, I went unconscious after eating dinner. When in the morning I woke up, I was surrounded with garbage. My stomach was paining, and I thought I am going to have my periods. But when I lifted my shirt, I found the left side of my stomach all bandaged. I didn't realize what happened and like the naive I was, I decided I should go and find some way to survive, when I reached the highway.
I am grateful to god, that this time when I fainted, your parents found me.
I was taken to hospital, and then they told me that one of my kidney is removed.
I explained everything to your parents, and they took me in. Since I had prior knowledge, they admitted me in higher secondary. And then directly to college. I didn't study like a normal kid. I used to finish one semester in three months. The school and college helped me because your father promised them private funds. Once I was done with graduation, James brought me to states and made me his PA, so I could learn to work. And Two years later, you met me."

She then lifted her shirt a bit, to reveal the stitches on the left side of her stomach.
"About my marks. Yes I was abused. Physically abused. From after my birth, till the time I ran into your parents. But it never went as far as it did on my 15th birthday, as you can see. I cannot tell you anything more. And if you desire to learn more about me, make sure you first kill me, and then bring all that to the surface again. I have a ruined childhood. And a lot of darkness in me. If you try to stir it, it will surround you too. Don't bother about me, but do think of yourself."