ᗪOᑎ'T TOᑌᑕᕼ ᗰY ᗩᒪᑭᕼᗩ

Honey

Izuku Midoriya 

(Self Deprecation)

(Angst)

Reclining on the sofa, I pressed my bare feet into Shoto's side searching for some warmth. It was always cold in Canada this time of year and I hated it. The Alpha had no problems with the cold, his body was some kind of space heater or something. Me, on the other hand, I was freezing unless I had covered myself from head to toe in layers of clothes or blankets. 

"You should eat more, you're too thin. No wonder you're cold all the time," Shoto teased and I shoved my feet harder into his side in retaliation. He hissed and grabbed my ankles before yanking me towards him by my feet. I gasped and flailed my arms in shock at the fast movement but sighed in relief when the Alpha took my feet in his hands and rubbed them.

"Remind me to just shove my cold feet on you the next time I want a foot rub," I slurred as my head lulled back into the pillows on the sofa while Shoto chuckled and dug his thumbs into my heels.

"Don't get used to it," He scoffed and I felt my lips twitch. I had been living here with Shoto for a month now and things were settling nicely. For once, I found myself smiling and laughing. I slept at least a full 8 hours each night and even got a lot of work done. 

It still hurt when I thought about Katsuki. My dreams liked to taunt me with him and I briefly wondered how long it would take for me to fully heal. I knew I was going to break out bond. How long would I have to wait to ensure I wouldn't hurt myself more or even die from the separation? I didn't know but I knew I had all the time in the world. Shoto was amazing and helped me through the rough nights.

My dreams loved to conjure up memories and scenarios. Some nights my dreams were amazing -- too amazing -- and I would wake up to bunched up sheets and sticky thighs. I jerked awake each night those dreams came and quickly ran to the nearest bathroom to wash away the evidence. I never had dreams like those before. I had always spent my time wallowing in pain and fighting my nature so hard that my dreams were blank unless they were nightmares.

Now, I was doing better. But a small part of me longed for my mate. I had Shoto and even though what we had was not romantic, it felt wrong being intimate with another man. Nothing had happened between the Alpha and me, but I knew my heat would be due soon, and that brought complications that I didn't think I was willing to deal with just yet. 

I was told in school that mates would feel a betrayal in the bond when one mate was unfaithful to the other. I didn't know to what extent they meant when they said they could feel the betrayal, but just the thought alone of Katsuki knowing I was sleeping with someone else made me sick to my stomach.

I didn't want to betray him. Was it even a betrayal if Katsuki and I were never an item? I didn't think so, but the idea of him knowing brought me shame and nothing has even happened yet.