Knock Me Down - [COMPLETE]

5 - Connor

I'm freezing my balls off. All for nothing. My first class was canceled so now I have to waste time for an hour and fifteen minutes. Plus the twenty minute passing period I had between classes. I sit at a nearby lounge and hope I see Holden or one of my other mates around. I didn't have too many friends here since most went to study out of town to other places. Farther places. I would have loved to be there. To explore somewhere that isn't here. It isn't a rebellious desire but being here for more of my life felt like I was destined to live statically.

But money gives us plans. We can't always give it our own ones.

I lay on couch. I'm sleepy. I fell asleep at 3:45am to finish my writing portfolio due today for class. I think I'll just sleep away my time so I set an alarm at 20 minutes and then one at 15 minutes before class for security.

My nap is short lived when I feel a coldness on my face. I open my eyes and it's Holden gently slapping my face awake.

"Hey" He smiles down at me. He's sitting on the edge of a couch, "I didn't notice you had freckles until now. Like, not just the obvious ones on your cheek but tiny ones over your nose"

I groan and smack away his hand, "Your hands cold"

"I came from outside"

I sit up and put my feet on the ground. He takes advantage of my position and lays his head on my lap, "What're you doing here?"

He'd be in class by now.

"Class got canceled. Professors kid is sick. Did yers?"

I stretch and at the same time nod knowing I wouldn't be able to speak properly if I did both simultaneously. I sigh in satisfaction when my body is released, "Yeah. But it was probably just because Dr. Rosner didn't feel like showing up"

I check my phone and cancel my alarms. I'd been knocked out for 45 minutes.

"D'you want to hang out?"

"When?" We never hang out. We did at parties or by coincidence like this but never deliberately. I didn't mind, Holden was always nice to be around.

"How about tomorrow? You don't have practice, right?"

Maybe not my practice. But then again it was still weird to go watch Jasper now. It would've ended in time either way.

"Yeah. Sure. Anything in mind?"

He beams, "Yup. I want to take you to my Uncle's restaurant. He has one not far from here by Moondust bowl. You might've seen it"

"Moondust bowl used to be the home lanes for my high school team"

"Then you'll definitely recognize it. The pizza is really good. Promise you. Not even biased. The place is real pretty inside too"

I wince, "Oh. Like fancy?"

"Like casual formal. So look decent but not 'it's my engagement' nice"

I think the choice is a little weird but I agree. I enjoy trying knew food. Especially when it's not the same old Hispanic dishes or food from my dads side.

"I'm down"

He smiles again, "Sick. I'll pick you up at 7. S'that fine?"

"Yeah, but, uh, I can drive myself"

He shakes his head but stops when he realizes thats hard to do against my legs, "Nah, it'll help the experience. And you won't have to figure out where it is"

I agree with the plan. It'll save me gas too.

I go to stand but he doesn't budge, "Sorry man but it's my turn to nap"

"Let me move so you can have the whole couch"

"You're warm and comfortable. My hands are still freezing" He shoves them in my neck and I almost squawk from the shock. I clamp my jaw against my collarbone.

"Wake me up in 20"

"You expect me to sit here for 20 more minutes?"

"Not like you were gonna do anything productive" He snuggles in towards my knees closing his eyes. I relax my back against the couch. He's right. I did all my homework so there was nothing else to do. I pull up my phone and watch some animated short films.

When I wake him up he reminds me of tomorrow and I head to macroeconomics.

But when I stop by the door, Connor's by my current seat. Smaller classes didn't have desks but tables and each was for two to three people. I didn't want to talk to him. That shit would be an awkward disaster. I step in, pretend to be busy texting and sit somewhere else. He watches me go to another one.

I set my bag down and then sense him stand up and take a seat next to me.

"Oh, hi" It sounds so unmistakably uncomfortable that I wish I could redo it. I look around and there's no one else in here. Fifteen minutes before class starts, it's empty and he chooses to sit next to me. I knew he took my seat for a reason.

"Hey. Mateo. I just wanted to talk for a little bit. You know, on the crap that happened at the party?"

I feel my face get red and I hope the lighting is in my favor. My skin isn't dark enough to be completely safe but not fair enough to be obvious.

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. I didn't mean–well, I was looking for a bathroom. And all the other ones were busy. So I went in and then you guys came in and I didn't know how to–Ah, sorry, man"

He laughs lightly. "No, I just wanted to tell you it's okay. I thought maybe you were grossed out and maybe even didn't like me because of it"

"Oh! Dude. Fuck no. I'm not homophobic. Maybe, yeah, grossed out. But that's because it's Jasper and I've known him forever"

He nods understanding, "I get it. And I also wanted to reassure you that we're not dating. It was just a random, uh, well you know. Impulsive"

I chuckle, "Reassure?"

"Yeah. I just–how do I say it?" He asks himself comically, "I thought..." He looks at me like I should finish his sentence for him but he shakes his head, "Nevermind. I just didn't want you to get any ideas"

I feel the awkwardness leave and feel better, "So does that mean we good?"

He grins, "Yeah. We're good"

A question bubbles in my stomach and I find the courage to ask, "Uh, I just, wanted to know. Did you guys...? You know?"

Saying it out loud makes me realize how invasive it is and I retract, "Uh. Forget it. Sorry. That's too personal. You don't gotta answer that"

"Too cute" He laughs again and holds his cheek into his palm, "No. He didn't want to anymore"

I'm flustered by the compliment but apologize, "Sorry. Spoiled the moment"

He's still grinning, his oddness makes him both approachable and unsettling, "You say sorry way too much. You can make it up to me. Number?"

"Yeah" I pull it up and let him put it in his contacts.

"We should talk more. Could be friends"

"I can do that. Definitely"

I have another question. But it's not one I can ask Connor. It's pure, selfish curiosity. I gain nothing knowing.

Was Jasper gay?