Knock Me Down - [COMPLETE]

30 - Your Room

Afterwards, it's just me and my mother. Benicio's at Jasper's, and dad's driving my grandma home. I'm washing the dishes and my mom's sweeping the kitchen. We both have the habit of sinking into our own thoughts when we clean and combined with the new found emptiness I almost think this will be another one of those times we don't speak to each other. 

"We're going to rent a banquet hall for New Years Eve. You should invite your friends if they don't have any plans"

"Most of them do" She doesn't reply to me and I don't need to turn around to know she's bothered by it. I keep my eyes trained on the dishes in front of me and the sponge in my hand, while I swallow my pride, "I'll ask"

I don't talk about myself or what's going on with me to her. She's never really met the majority of friends I've ever had. We're bad at communication and she's never been invested in the things I'm interested in anyway. She starts talking about her side of the family. Mostly the ones out of the country. I'm half listening but not absorbing much of the conversation. She's talking about dieting like always, my aunts dieting, a pregnant cousin, my uncle's new girlfriend, an ex-husband, and who knows what else.

"Do you remember tu tio Ignacio? His son? The gay one" That snaps me back.

"Yeah. Uh, what about him?"

"He's getting married"

"But–"

"He's been living here for three years aparentemente. He met a man here" My mom expresses her annoyance, "It was bad enough he shut the whole family en Mexico, pero to move to another país sin decir una palabra. Eso es hacer ingrato y desconsiderado"

"Maybe if they hadn't treated him like shit. Lo hicieron sentir que era basura" It reminds me of why I avoid my family and hardly think about them.

"That's different. How do you expect people will treat someone that lied and betrayed his family? He's not even inviting his own blood"

I stand up straight, bewildered, "How did he betray his family?"

"Doing something like that–"

"Like what? What did he do?"

She glowered, never too kind when Benicio or I challenge her, "Don't raise your voice at me"

I scoff, "How am I raising my voice? I am asking a question"

"Es un maricon"

He has a name, I almost say. I shake my head retreating to drying the dishes, ignoring the sting in my chest when I hear her say that unflinching. I just want her to go back to my grandma's house. I'd rather finish cleaning on my own.

"Jasper's dad told me Jasper was staying home on their vacation. He asked us to watch over him if he needed anything"

She goes back to conversing like what just happened didn't. Back to her curious gossiping. It makes me angry. "Why do you think he's not going? He's shown me pictures of Antwerp, it's beautiful"

"I don't know" I shrug simply, and hiding my disinterest, "Jasper just told me he didn't want to travel"

I put all the dry plates in the cabinet, "Um, Ma?"

"Si, mijo?"

"Can he stay over? While his dad is gone? He's going to be alone until New Years"

She's deep in thought again. I can tell by the faraway look in her stare down at the trash pile on the ground.

"Can he?" I repeat louder.

She nods, sympathetically, "Of course. I don't want him to spend the holidays alone. Reminds me that I need to get him a gift"

I put away the decorative piece, candles and put the table cloth in the laundry basket. My moms wiping off the table.

"You three will be alright? Your grandmas been taking our time up"

"Yeah. Is she alright?"

My mom waves the question off with a short 'she's fine'. I don't like the reply but my dad said the same thing. Neither of them talk about the details too deeply, what she has or what she's going through.

"We're spending Christmas at her house. You need to go see her from time to time" She kisses my forehead, an odd gesture that tells me she's emotional  and needs time alone . I take that as my cue to go to my room. I try texting Holden in the mean time, but he doesn't reply.

It's late when my brother barges into my room and lays on my bed.

"Since when do you text Jasper?" He asks, holding an opened glass bottle of Topo Chico.

"Uh, what?" My heart skips a beat and I immediately have a reasonable excuse. "Ma said that he should stay over while his dad's gone. She doesn't want him fending for himself on Christmas. I texted him to let him know"

"Oh." He takes a long, long swig of mineral water burping at the end he blows into my ear, "Cool. I don't know if he'll stay. Jasper likes his solitude, bro"

I nod, shoving him and ignoring his tipsy gaze. He drank. I wonder if Jasper did too. When Benicios drunk he's messy and asks a lot of questions about my life. He asks if I've registered for next semester yet, my final exams when we get back to school, and the Tier 1 tournaments in late January.

"We haven't watched anything together this week" He states matter-of-factly, "Nothing, since..." He gets distracted counting back to when.

"You want to watch something?"

My moms not in the house when I help Benicio into the living room. He hogs the couch again and I lean on it sitting on the floor. I run through a list of Nicholas Cage movies just to mess with him.

"Wanna watch Adaption or..." I get on YouTube on our television checking our subscriptions, "...a creepy ARG walkthrough?"

My phone buzzes at the same time my brother picks YouTube. It's Jasper.

'My dad leaves in two days. I'm staying over then'

I don't text back having nothing I need to say, but then it vibrates again.

'staying in ur room'