California Sin

Chapter 13~ Pains Intentions

Soon after my morning classes, the bell rings signaling lunch.
'Thank god' I whisper to myself as I pack up my stuff, and exit the classroom, a few other students are running down the hall towards the lunch room. I'm walking down the hall to my locker when an arm wraps around my shoulders.
"Hey Alex" I turn the see Nate staring back down at me, I bite my cheek and let out a quiet sigh.
"Oh, hey Nate" I say, still walking down the hall towards my locker.
"So you got any plans for lunch?" Nate opens my locker for me, I know what he's about to ask and I'm really not feeling it.
"Tri-" I'm cut off as Pierce and Mason walk past us, Trixie tailing close behind them. Nate turns his head to see what Im seeing.
He lets out a grunt.
"Yeah, actually. Sorry Nate. I'll text you later." I say patting Nates upper arm, he's has a surprised expression.
"But I-" Nate begins, "Sorry, I gotta go" I quickly say and scoot my way around him.
I make sure to turn the corner before catching up with Pier- I mean Trixie..
**
During lunch, Trixie and I sit across Pierce and Mason at a table in the courtyard.
"Dude, I told you she wasn't gonna win." Mason is laughing at Pierce and Trixie, who are currently occupied in an arm wrestle. A few seconds pass and Pierce slams Trixies hand into the table, victory.
"Alex, why don't you give it a go." Mason says with a smile, I roll my eyes.
"Why? So I can kick your ass?" I say, squinting my eyes at him. He continues to laugh.
"Try me." Mason says with the same sarcastic tone.
"Oh God. You got this Alex" Trixie says, throwing a fry from her lunch at Mason.
"Mason, if she actually beats you, this friendship can go no longer." Pierce says in a dramatic tone, hand covering his heart.
We all laugh, and Mason and I both lock our hands together.
"Okay, 3.." Mason begins to countdown.
"2.."
Mason and I have our eyes locked.
"So this was your lunch plan?"
Just as Mason and I were about to begin, I see Nate walking up to our lunch table, arms crossed.
I pull my hand from Masons, I behind to stand when Pierce stands at the same time.
"What do you want?" Pierce is eye to eye with Nate.
Nate stares right back at Pierce.
Goddamn you could cut the tension with a knife.
"Get the fuck out of my way" Nate pushes past Pierce and continues to walk towards me "Hey Alex lets go" Nate reaches his hand out for me to take it.
"She can do what she wants asshole." Trixie jumps in.
Nate keeps his eyes glued to me, arm still extended.
"Nate, what are you doing? I told you I'd text you later." I cross my arms, and look at the ground, taking step back from Nate.
He takes a deep breath.
"Can we just talk for a second? I need to ask you something." I look back up at him, he has a sincere expression.
I'm hesitant at first, "Sure, I guess."
I take his hand and walk with Nate towards the school. I look over my shoulder to see Pierce, Mason, and Trixie. They're all watching as we walk away. I look at Pierce in the eye, his eyes are cold, I let my gaze drop to the ground.

As Nate and I walk in the school, he enters the library and I follow.
"So what did you need to ask that was so important?" I say to him as he turns towards me, running a hand through his curly dark hair.
"So as you know, homecoming is next week, and uh- I'm the quarterback." I stared intently, waiting to see where this was going.
He's rubbing the back of his neck, similarly to when we were at the coffee shop.
"And..?" I say, waiting for him to get to the point.
"Would you maybe, I don't know, want to go to Homecoming as my date?" He asks with a smile.
I'd never been asked to homecoming, I'd never been interested in going. Out of all 4 years of high school, I'd honestly never went. It was never up on my 'to do list of high school'.
I was kind of surprised he asked, I thought it was weird that he'd have any interest in me at all. Needless to say I kind of liked it. So why not go? It could possibly be fun.

A smile creeps up on my lips, Nates eyes are glued to me, waiting for a response.
"I'd love to go." I respond, Nate smiles back at me and wraps him arms around my waist, lifting me up and spinning me in a circle.
Our laughter filled the air as he sets me back on the ground. Nate presses his lips against mine, I could feel his smile through the kiss.
A few minutes ago I thought I didn't want this, I guess I forgot how warm the aura around Nate was.
"I was so nervous. I'm so happy you said yes." Nate presses his forehead against mine.
"I think it'd be fun." I say, smiling at him.
The bell rings, signaling lunch is over. Nate takes ahold of my hand, we both walk down the hallways flooding with students. Several other girls glare at me as we make our way to class.
We arrive upon my second to last class, Nate stops me just as I'm about to go in.
"I'll text you after school. I'll see you later, Mamas." Nate says, stealing a kiss.
I feel a few stares in the hallway, I choose not to linger and continue into the classroom.
***
After school, Trixie and I head back to her house, I decided tonight I would tell her everything that's happened. Everything.

Trixie and I are watching a movie in her room when I feel a vibration from my phone, it's a text:

Hey gorgeous:)
~Nate

I smile down at the message. I don't know why I was so hesitant at first with Nate. He's a good guy. Maybe that's what i'm scared of. Maybe I think that there's truly nobody good in the world, that we're all truly here to hurt each other.
I decided to respond back to the message:

Hey hottie;)

I flip my phone over, its time I tell Trixie. I take a deep breath and close my eyes for a second. I adjust myself on the bed towards Trixie
"Hey T, can we talk? Like a serious talk?"
She averts her eyes from the tv to me,
"Yeah, whats up?" She was a worried look on her face. She sits up and crosses her legs, her blond hair hanging over her shoulders.
"There's a lot i've been meaning to tell you. I really wanted to, but I didn't know when. You know that I love you. And I fully trust you with my life."
As I begin to confess everything that's happened to me, starting with my fathers death, I feel the tears start the fall.
Pain is an intolerable thing, and tears are the river in which they are averted when they fall.
I know it's not good to hold these things in, but when you go through what you go through, it feels like it's the only way, like there's no way but to keep it to yourself so you don't collapse.
Pain makes you think you're weak, that you're alone, that you're useless. Over time this pain is stacked upon baggage and baggage and it begins to decay along with the love that used to run deep within your veins.
I feel the hot tears streaming down my face, Trixie eyes are filled with tears too. After my confession, we both sit in silence for a few seconds. Trixie wraps her arms around me, she pulls me to her chest and doesn't let go. I know she won't ever let go. Trixie listened the whole time, she never took her eyes off of me until I was finished. Just like I knew she would.

"It's okay. We'll get through all of this. Together." Trixie picks my head up, wiping the tears from under my eyes.
Trixie and I sat there for awhile, living the moment. Soon enough we both fell asleep to the sound of the movie that was playing in the background. Sleeping was different. It didn't feel like a huge weight on my chest. Like the shackles around my ankles were finally starting to loosen.

*****
hi:) my first full chapter since awhile.
i hope you enjoyed<3
you're all loved, and have a place in this world. i know it.
~via