Companionate (18+) | Completed ✔️

Chapter 15: part 1

As soon as I looked at his text I felt all the withdrawals hit me. I already missed him. That's crazy right? I miss someone that I've spent a whole of 3 days with, it's not even been a week but I miss him. 

I miss his smile, his laugh, his quick-witted responses, the way he just knows what I'm thinking and what to say, I miss the way his skin feels on mine, I miss his divine scent that invades my nose every time he is here and I miss the safety I feel in his arms. I just miss him.

I couldn't understand it. What was it about this man that was so addictive? But I already knew the answer, because there was nothing about him that wasn't addictive and that scared every bone in my body. He had been away from me for a minute and I instantly felt empty.

I looked down at my ring finger, looking at the lighter shade of skin where my engagement ring and wedding band used to sit so perfectly. I thought about how I hadn't worn it since the day I went to Tobias' studio and as much as it felt weird not having it on, I felt a sense of security having it off.

For the longest time I was the only person holding myself back from getting divorced because I thought I could fix it, I thought I could fix him. However, after realising what I felt for Tobias, it was a clear sign that there was nothing left to fix. I just wished I had seen it sooner. 

I was ready to get out of this cage and break free. And not just for Tobias, I was ready to break out for myself.

I had been in Chase's prison for 8 years, I used to call it my home but from the day he first cheated on me I should have known. 

I should have known that staying with him was me continuing the cycle of the broken homes I was born into but I was just reliving it in my own relationship. Broken homes were all I knew, it was familiar, it was normal. But once I break free from this marriage, the cycle ends there. And anew begins with Tobias, that thought alone brought a smile to my face.

I walked through the home I had built with my aunt, it was originally built on the beautiful memories of the family I had with her. However, now the cold air of her absence suddenly felt warmer, the aura was brighter, the feng shui of the rooms were balanced and that was because Tobias Wrexler had walked these halls, christened my room and made a permanent spot here and in my heart.

I touched my cheeks and began to giggle feeling the slight pain in my cheek bones from smiling so hard at the thought of him. I hadn't smiled this much in such a long time and I didn't know how to handle it, it was a sweet feeling but oh so bittersweet. Why did it take 8 years of heartbreak and a photoshoot with the photographer of my "couples" shoot to change all of that for me?

I hugged myself as I breathed a deep sigh. Thinking over the last 8 years, I watched the memories of the good, bad and ugly with Chase Bishops, it was like I was in a trance watching the movie of our life together and you know what I saw? Pain.

I saw the pained look on my face everyday, the I love you's on his lips played so thoughtlessly and the I love you's on my lips exposing how willing I was to fix someone who didn't even know he was broken.

And that's when it clicked in my mind. It was never love. It was acceptance, it was the idea of being loved, it was finding a home that was willing to let me in, it was finding my peace in someone else's chaos, it was me trying to love a loveless man when I didn't even love myself. 

But I was going to learn to love myself and every bit of baggage I came with because it made me who I was and I am going to be stronger because of it. I will love myself. Not for my parents, most certainly not for Chase, not for my aunt, not for Tobias, but for me.