Not My Sister's Fiance Book 2

4.

I was sitting on the edge of my bed with my phone in my hand. I kept hitting it in the palm of my hand or on my thigh trying to work up the courage and work of the nerves.

It's simple just call and request a meeting or something of the sort.

I told myself repeatedly or if it's not that I'm scolding myself.

Stop being a coward and dial the freaking number and get it over with.

I boasted myself to scare myself again. It's late maybe I should call him in the morning. I thought looking at the clock but knowing me I would just continue to put it off.

I'm getting all worked up and fidgeting thinking of what I should say  when he picks up. Hello, hey, hi.... It's Crystal... Crystal Scott if you've forgotten about me... I...

That's where I'm lost. I don't know if I should just blurt it out or plan a meeting to surprise him person instead of over the phone.

Biting on my nails I abruptly made a decision and started dialing the number while silently wishing that he doesn't pick up the phone.

Don't pick up.

Don't pick up.

I chanted when I only hear the dial tone. I was ready to breath when it got stuck in the my throat.

"Hello?" The voice was unsure but still strong. Hearing his voice makes me miss him more than I did over the year. There was another hello that followed a few seconds later when he got no response from me.

I breath ready to get the words that are stuck in my throat. I opened my mouth but no sound came out so I closed it. I must have looked like a fish out of water opening my mouth like that while no sound came out.

"Hello?" He asked again. "Who is this?" He added at the end when he still didn't get the respond that he was looking for.

I bet he could only hear me breathing and that caused me to hold my breath. He was silent and I was silent. We just listen to each other breath for a minute before he opened his mouth to talk just as I hang up the phone and throw it on the bed behind me.

I looked at the phone on my bed and I can't believe that I just called him. The phone started vibrating on the bed and I jumped. I looked at who was calling me and sure he is calling back.

I watched the phone vibrate until it went to voicemail. I didn't take it up instantly I waited a few minutes to see if he was going to call me back but he never did.

I finally started breathing again when the phone didn't light up or make any vibrating sound again.

I don't think I am strong enough to talk to him because I went blank the second he answered.

His voice brought back so many memories the moment I heard it and I could see the word slipping out of his lip.

I remember his soft lips on mine amd on my entire body. Those things flooding my mind caused me to be unresponsive.

I can't help but wonder if he remembers my voice just as I remember his. I would love for my name to spoken out of his mouth again even if he is yelling at me.

This call has done nothing but bring back memories and feelings that I have buried deep so I could move on with my life.

I groaned seeing that this phone call didn't go as well and it was the worst. Not because we argued or anything but all I could do is breath into the line and open and close my mouth. I must have looked so dumb.

This call was to make everything better amd calm down the storm that has been raging in my head recently but it have only made it worse adding a tsunami to the mix.

I don't think I would be able to call him like that again. If I did I think it would be the same outcome. He would think that I am a stalker or some creep calling his phone and the only response he could get from my end is hearing me breath.

I sighed running my hand through my head in frustration. I really don't like this situation and I don't know how I'm going to get pass this one obstacle that is me.

I'm standing between my daughter and her father. I'm stalling their bonding anf making it harder for her every day seeing other kids with their dad.

I thought I was a good mother but obviously I'm a bad one. I do what I'm supposed to do but I can't do this one thing and just call him and tell him that he has a child.

She's probably going to hate me if she ever finds out the truth that I kept her from her father and her father from her.

I have never been so selfish in my life. Five year now, it has been five years and I can't call him and say hey you have a child. I am so pathetic it's so unbearable to be me.

I really want the both of them to be together. To finally be in each other eyes and I think Chrissann would love him. She has been showing signs that she needs her father and if I keep putting it off or finding excuses or go silent once I hear his voice she is going to lose hope.

Especially if Christmas comes and goes and she doesn't get to see her Daddy like I promised her. She is going to probably hate him thinking that he broke his promise and I don't want to be the one for my daughter to hate her fathee because I was too much of a chicken.

Defeated I got up off of the bed to get ready for the next day and mostly for my bed. I brushed my teeth, changed into my night clothes to slide under the covers when I was finished.

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I woke up to the obnoxious sound of my alarm clock. I wasn't one to drink coffee but ever since I became a mother and single at that I need it for the extra energy or else I would be walking around looking like a zombie.

After taking a few sips of the coffee I felt more awake than when I just opened my eyes and came downstairs. I repeat the routine of getting ready, waking up Chrissann and getting her ready for schooled. I prepared breakfast for the both of us and used that time also to make her lunch.

We sat down and eat breakfast together. I looked at the time and realized that it was time to leave. I dropped her off, waved goodbye and drove my way to work.

I'm not a very enthusiastic person or I am optimistic but I'm in the low today. I know have too my daily dose caffeine I would be boosting with enegry but thanks to my lack of sleep I'm a little tired than usual.

I know I don't get much sleep but this time I really didn't get much sleep. When I laid down thinking sleep would come it never did and I was left starting at my ceiling in the dark.

Then my mind decided it was time to conjure up and make possibilities and just think and think til it think more and more about everything that has been of lately.

I couldn't get it to turn off so I had to wait until it wears itself out for me to fall asleep. Ignoring the little tiredness I did my job efficiently ignoring the yawns now and then.

I don't think the caffeine is working for me today or maybe I didn't drink enough to chase away the tiredness until it's late and I'm home.

I picked up Chrissann on the way home. I helped her with her homeworks while I warmed up the leftovers for dinner. I tucked her in kissed her good night. It didn't take long for me to fall asleep that night but if I didn't find my bed very early I think the sleep would have left me and my thoughts would come back haunting me.

The week went by in a flash and I'm surprised that it's the weekend again.