Hidden Troubles

Chapter 24

Loki wandered aimlessly through the palace. He didn't know where he was going, but what did it matter now? Turning a corner, he was greeted by Thor, and almost expected the welcome smile his brother often had for him. But instead he was greeted by an expression of shock and disgust, as the elder stepped backwards, away from him.

"Brother? What is wrong?"

"You-" Thor's eyes looked over him. Loki looked down at his hands, and found them to be blue. And he knew that blue. The blue of the Frost Giants. And he knew what Thor could see. The lines of his cursed royal heritage. The blood red eyes of the cold monster underneath.

No no no NO-

And then Frigga and Odin appeared, one each aside of Thor.

"You can't let monsters live, Thor."  Frigga said, too calmly, too sweetly. Loki felt his heart shatter; he'd lost her. But Thor, perhaps Thor-

"Thor? No please, brother please." Frigga handed Thor a crossbow as Loki tried to back away, but his feet were frozen, frozen to the spot, and he was helpless, he could only beg for mercy.

"Brother please." But the pleading only set the lines of hate on Thor's face.

Brother brother brother brother

We are

brothers?

Friends?

Family

please.

Cold cornflower eyes narrowed as he aimed the crossbow at him, silver sharp end right towards his heart, and Loki didn't even hear it go off, didn't even see it for his eyes were too blurred with tears and his head hurt too much from the screaming in it-

Pain exploded in his chest and he could only scream, scream in and out, screaming for his lost brother who hated him now, screaming for the mother who rejected him. He could only scream for all he had lost.

Loki awoke, screaming, and he found he couldn't stop, as though he and his mind were separate entities. He could only scream and scream and he couldn't stop, even as his throat turned painfully raw.

You deserve pain.

Monsters deserve pain.

His screams turned to sobs as he curled up in on himself, head buried between his knees, choking out sobs and wondering just why he was even alive.

***

Natasha charged in. She'd been alerted by JARVIS and ran down the second she heard "Mr Laufeyson"- she didn't care about what was wrong, only that Loki needed something, something or someone- did it really matter?

Her heart raced as she ran down the stairs (to her the elevators were too painfully slow in a crisis) and she charged in to his room, all boundaries and room etiquette forgotten.

"Loki," she breathed, chest painfully tight from how messed up everything looked now. How messed up everything was. 

Loki recoiled, brows dipping as he looked back down to his trembling hands, keeping them apart and away from his body, as though he was afraid to touch himself.

The choked cry broke from the shaking god of chaos and before Natasha has even realised it she'd reached out to comfort him, her hands pausing just a hair's breath away from Loki's trembling shoulders.