❀ KENZIE ZIEGLER ❀
Ever since falling in love with Johnny Orlando, I'd tried to stay busy. I spent more time with my family. I went to cafe's and fancy restaurants with my friends. I ran for leadership roles and captaincy's. I went to the gym, frequently. I threw myself into my studies and worked on projects like crazy until they were done.
The aim was to keep my mind busy. Because ever since I fell in love with a certain green-eyed boy, my thoughts had been permanently invaded by him.
I could even picture him in my minds eye. The way he laughed at me when I did something stupid. The way his eyes bunched up at the corners when he thought something was funny. The way he would open his arms out when he saw me for a hug.
I was so in love with him. I had been for a long time. Sometimes I felt a bit like a candle. Always burning, always busy, always bright. Loving him was comprehensibly easy, and yet extremely hard at the same time. Because he didn't have the slightest inkling that I had feelings for him. I'd never even hinted. Sure, we hugged, but I did that with my girl friends too– he never even attempted to touch me in anything other than a platonic way. I knew that.
We hung out regularly, but it was just as friends. His family was often present, and they loved me. Lauren, Johnny's six-year-old sister, ran into my arms when she would see me, Meredith, his Mom, cooked my favourite dinners upon my arrival, and I was always up for a healthy, lively debate with his Dad Dale. In fact, most of the time I went around to his house we were babysitting Lauren until his parents got home. They would often insist on providing me dinner, and afterwards, Lauren never wanted me to go, sometimes crying. It was always a joke between their parents that Lauren loved me more than he did Johnny.
I knew that wasn't true, though. For Johnny was an amazing brother and cared about Lauren very much. He was the definition of an overprotective sibling, and watched out for her safety. It was something I loved about him.
There were many things I loved about him. Too many to count. He was kind, warm. He was accepting, easygoing, and made me laugh, a lot. But the thing I loved most about him was the way he made me feel.
He made me feel special. I was just an average girl, who happened to be optimistic and moderately pretty. But when I was with him, I didn't feel like just a girl. I felt like a princess. I felt like I was glowing from the inside out.
The time we spent together I cherished. We were busy people, and we'd been friends a long time. But sometimes I wondered how long I'd be able to keep the facade up; because it was crumbling, and yet I was desperately trying to ignore it.
The lump in my throat I felt when we were alone and I wanted to blurt out my feelings. The tears in my eyes I would brush away after his goodnight texts. The way my heart jumped when he touched me, however slightly.
The emotions I had tried so desperately to lock away were threatening to reach the surface and burst free, and yet I couldn't swallow my pride and tell him for the life of me. For being around the boy I loved, even if I couldn't love him, was better than losing him all together.
˚✧₊⁎༄
Chatter burst out all around me as the final bell rang. I breathed a solid sigh of relief. The day was over, and it was Friday. I could finally go home.
After packing up my books and shoving them into my bag, I headed out of my last period English class. I chatted to my friend Emily as we left, about our upcoming ball. She was wanting to ask an ex of mine and a friend of hers, named Hayden, but was discouraged by the fact that she was a girl and she didn't want to seem too eager. I quickly discouraged that idea, telling her that it was now 2020, and she should just go for it... or rather, him. I liked the idea of them together. Sure, Hayden and I weren't together anymore, but we shared mutual friends, stayed on good terms, and I did wish him happiness. I found myself feeling hypocritical, however. Who was I to give her advice on boys when I had been hooked on one, and done nothing about it, for like two whole years?
