28 - I'm Okay

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I looked at myself in the mirror with something growing in my chest like fire on a stack of hay. It definitely wasn't vanity. Something close to disgust, but then again, I was all too familiar with that. This was foreign to me in a way I couldn't describe.

The streaks around my eyes were starting to fade, and panic rose in me.

Diffe hoc aspectu.

Diffe hoc aspectu.

Diffe hoc aspectu.

What could only be described as Vick's blood was still dripping from my hands. I leaned over to turn the water on with both of my palms, frowning as the sink handle got coated in dark liquid. I'd find a way to wash it off later.

"He's dead," something said weakly in my ear.

I shook my head and closed my eyes, letting the water run. "He's always been," I whispered to myself. "It's fine."

"You'll never see him again. You'll drive a knife through his heart, leave him in the yard to rot. Put him out of his misery. Now—"

My eyes snapped open and I glared at the mirror, cupping my hands until they overflowed and splashing water over my face and arms. Whatever whispers had been reaching my ears died out with a hiss.

"Grow up and leave us alone, boss," I snarled at my dripping reflection. The room fell silent.

I sighed and unscrewed the bottle to my right, tipping it into my palm. The last two 4-milligram tablets fell out. I peered into the bottle with one eye closed.

I took my estrogen and reminded myself to set up an appointment for a prescription refill.


One week later I went for a walk in the park.

I got a few "hi"s on the way. Some awkward stares. One particularly bold soul stopped me in front of a biotech building they were exiting, pointed under their right eye and asked me if I was "practicing." I laughed after a moment and told them that somebody painted the marks on as a joke, and I still hadn't been able to get them off. Walking away, I felt a strange sense of dread in the pit of my stomach that I couldn't shake.

Why?! There's not much more that could go wrong from here.

But you're walking straight to the realm's entrance. Something's going to attack you, just wait.

I clenched my teeth, gripped the hem of my sweater and the folded piece of paper in my hand. I just needed to find the path with the fake benches. Whatever illusionist, or hologram, or shapeshifter that had helped Jack trick me the first time we came here...

I followed the main forest path to that area, at least, to the best of my memory. Nobody else was here. As usual. I wondered if I was the only one who could see it, or if those illusions had been crafted specifically for me.

I looked past one cluster of trees I was sure didn't exist and spotted what looked to be a giant, rottweiler-sized spider. Though startled, I knew better than to question it by now.

They really like just waltzing around this part of the park, don't they?

I cleared my throat and the thing jumped, turning inside out with a pop into a stout little man with glowing red eyes. I wondered if that was his aura; red. The sudden bright color was jarring to me. He stared, bristling, teeth bared and with indescribable fear in the space around his eyes. I lowered myself to a crouch and edged towards him little by little, hands raised in surrender.

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