Chapter Nine: Dead

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I ran after dad as he went to start packing for the tour. It literally took months to pack for a tour, and I was giving a few days. I rushed upstairs passing dad as I was making a scene now. I looked at dad with pleading eyes, I would give anything for him not to go in my room. I knew he would have to though and then he'd see my self-destructive state.

"I got it, dad. Um, Jack will you come to help me get my suitcases down?" I asked as dad glared at me.

"I'll find what you're hiding Logan," Dad said and pointed at me as Jack jogged up the stairs.

I walked in a bitter silence looking at my own toes. Jack came to my assistance and got them out of the top of my closet not asking a question. I threw most of my everyday clothes onto the floor and groaned. I then noticed that one wall was visible.

"Ooh, what's that it has names by it," Jack said and tried to get a closer look at it.

I shoved him out of the way closing the door and standing in front of it. Jack looked at me a little hurt. My breathing began to pick up as I fought back the now violent assault on my cheeks. I shook my head and kept a tight grip on the door handle to the closet.

"Logan, maybe if Alex was here would that help?" Jack asked putting a hand on my shoulder.

I flinched and shook my head. Jack then moved his hand on top of mine and tried to untangle my fingers from around the handle. It wouldn't give though my knuckles were turning white. I sniffled and kept trying to breathe in real deep to stop the snot from running down my face. Jack just kept looking at me with these same sad brown eyes. He then got out his phone and I hear Alex's footsteps upstairs. He wasn't followed by anyone which was shocking. Then the soft footsteps came up with him.

"Just stay here a second. I'm going to talk to her and maybe she'll calm down. If not you may need to get Brendon," Alex said to his wife before knocking my door.

"Come in 'Lex," Jack yelled as I just stood there arms behind me.

"What's up with her closet what is in there? Logan is there something you are hiding?"

"I- No..." I said rather too quickly.

Before I knew it both boys were untangling my fingers from the door handles and Jack opened the doors. Shoving my clothes from one side to the other than throwing them out onto the floor. The violent assault on my face continued as tears kept falling.

"Reasons to stay: Dad, Mom, Beckett, Kolbi, Jack, hey I'm above you, Alex, Rian, Zack, Ry," Jack kept reading then looked at the other side sadly.

"Reasons to leave: Disappointment, Worthless, Trashy, Mute, Ungrateful, Terrible, Ugly, Messy, Attention Whore, Rude, Bitch." Jack stopped and looked at the lists that I had painted flowers around.

The flowers were sunflowers making my words pretty clear to see. I had painted them on with white paint and the dandelions with different variations of yellows, browns, blacks, greens, some reds. Jack looked at me as Alex stared at the list on my wall. It was at the bottom of my closet and it was working its way toward the corner. There were quite a few reasons to leave on there. Alex looked at me as he shook his head. He grabbed my arm and pulled me out of my room and toward the studio where dead was most likely working on something or doing a stream. Alex knocked on the door as Lisa followed him out of our house and around the pool.

"Brendon! Open up we have an issue!" Alex shouted and beat on the door some more.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me you were having these thoughts," Alex said bitterly at me.

I shook my head and ripped my arm out of his fingers. I saw mom and Jack talking in the kitchen and made a run for the house as Alex grabbed me around the waist. Dad opened the door to the outdoor studio and I began to flail my body trying to getaway.

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