Taking Hits | P. Parker

Chapter 53

This chapter may be offensive due to the following:
Suicidal Idealization
(Stay Safe Please)
~
( -5 )

"Jermey," I call after the boy as I follow him. I follow him from above as he turns down an alley and sigh. This isn't how I planned on spending my night, at all.

I just wanted to go home and sleep. That's all I wanted to do. Today's patrol isn't making me feel good or helping me calm down, if anything it's just stressing me out more.

I turn another corner to see it's a dead end. Perfect, now I just have to get this kid to come with me. I land on the ground in front of him. I put the gun I had taken from the other kid back at the bank down on the ground followed by me putting my hands up trying to show him I don't want to hurt him.

"Hey, it's Jermey right?" I ask and he nods slowly. "Can I ask a serious question?" I ask and he nods again. "Why do you need the money?" Maybe if he has a good reason I can convince Dad to help him out, I'm sure he would give an anonymous donation to the kid.

"I have debt and I need to pay it off or else," He is cut off by his own sobs. I sit there waiting for him to calm down and after a minute he makes eye contact with me, his eyes red and puffy but have a determined look in them. "They threatened my family. I can't hurt them." He says and suddenly my heart drops as he presses the gun to his head.

"Jermey wait," I say and rip my mask off. He clenches his jaw but doesn't move the gun. "Please don't." I beg and he keeps crying.

"What's stopping me?" He asks with a broken hearted laugh. "It's better. I keep people safer if I'm not here." He says and I swallow because I feel the same way but I don't know how to tell him that. "I mean look at you, you can protect your family!" He shouts putting his free hand up in the air. If only he knew. "I can't, I'm just me. I'm sorry," He says and before I can respond the gun goes off.

"Oh my god," I gasp and stumble back a few feet. My breathing speeds up and pounding starts in my head. I can tell from here that he's gone, he's already dead. I pull my mask back over my face and sit down on the ground with my hands up to my face. I have to stay by him until the cops get here, it's the least I can do.

I don't know how long it is but the cops show up and call ambulances but everyone knows it's too late. I gather up the bag of money that had been thrown to the side and pick up the gun I had put down earlier before making my way back to the bank. I drop the bag off with an officer and start to make my way home.

His words ring in my head, blocking out every other thought I'm trying to think of. He felt that everyone around him was in danger because of him. If he had listened to me, put the gun down then he would've been ok. Or if I had just stopped the situation before it escalated.

Oh my god. This is another person who I've killed. I didn't mean to kill him, just like I didn't mean to kill Dean, but they both died because I messed up. Because I didn't react fast enough.

As I get home I go immediately to my room. I can't believe that another person died on my watch. I have to believe it though because it happened because I didn't stop it. I loosen my grip and hear metal collide with my wooden floor. I look down and see it's the extra gun from the robbery. I must've been to lost in my own head to remember I had it.

I shake it off and quickly change out of my suit and into a pair of sweatpants without a shirt. I lay down in my bed and start scrolling through my phone but Jermey's words echo through my head.

"If he could do it why couldn't I?" I ask myself, the pounding in my head literally getting worse by the minute. I crawl out of my bed and mess with the gun in my hands. I look at it and see the safety is on. I put it down on the ground in front of me and his words ring in my head even louder. "It's better. I keep people safe if I'm not here." I repeat the words and they leave a sour taste in my mouth. It's how I've felt before, multiple times before but never actually thought of doing that. I groan and lean back staring at my ceiling.

I couldn't do something like that.

It would kill Ned because he would feel guilty for not seeing it. Dad and Pops would be heart broken because I know that they do love me, along with all of the other Avengers. The public would be in shock if Spiderman killed himself as well but I'm sure that they could find a new hero if they needed too. I groan and push the gun across the room again and my phone lights up from on top of my bed. I sit up and climb up to see what it was.

Nothing important. I need to talk to someone. I dial the first number I can think of besides Ned because I don't want to worry him. I can't call MJ either because she's already got so much going down with her and her new boyfriend. I take a deep breath as the phone rings.

"Wade, can you talk?" I ask when he picks up.

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