The Trouble with Kissing Connor

Chapter 13 (Sadie)

X?

If Connor only knew what that X did to me...

That his X meant more to me than just some letter on a touch screen. It wasn't just a letter, it was everything, and more, and he didn't know that. And probably never would

The whole day had thrown me. His sad eyes, his head on my shoulder, that kiss on the cheek, and that dance move. He'd twirled me around and I'd fallen into his chest...and something happened. I'd felt something anyway, but of course, he hadn't. So the last thing I needed was that stupid bloody"X". I felt like a big, old idiot—again.

God I needed to get a life. I was pining for someone I could never really have. Maybe I needed to date someone, find someone else and fall head over heels in love. Then I could do all that cute relationship stuff: stay up all night on the phone, giggling, texting, sending each other pics. Maybe then, I would finally get over Connor. I scoffed loudly—wishful thinking.

I started getting ready for bed and instinctively looked out my window.

Connor was just too close—literally. His house was a double story and our rooms were at eyelevel and separated only by a patch of lawn, a small fence and hedge. That's it. The tree between our windows had only started to obscure the view. When he'd first moved in, the tree had been small. But it had grown with each passing year, kinda like my love for him.

His lights were still on and I was just about to turn away when I saw a shadow slide across the wall. The shadow moved towards the window until I could see him, fully illuminated in all his glory. He gave me a small wave, a smile and then closed his curtains. I took that as my cue to close mine too and climb into bed. I couldn't imagine how Connor was feeling right now, and I felt so completely powerless to help him. His parents were getting a divorce and his life, as he knew it, would never be the same again. My heart broke for him, as I tried to put myself in his shoes.

Suddenly, my phone lit up.

Connor: Now I know you're stalking me.

A smile broke out across my face. God, did he have to make loving him to damn easy?

I started typing back.

Sadie: Haha! You wish.

Connor: I do

What? My heart slammed into my ribcage, bounced off it and hit my diaphragm before shooting back into my chest where it settled into a gallop.

WTF did that mean?

That sounded distinctly flirty. Or was I reading too much into it?

These late night message sessions were a regular thing for us, and sometimes they left me feeling giddy. I often woke up in the morning with a smile before I realized with a mortifying thud that everything I'd said had been so loaded, but to no avail. I was always trying to steer the conversation towards a place it never seemed to go—How dumb is that? I guess it's easier to hint at things than to risk saying it face-to-face. But it never worked. Every time I tried to say something flirty or loaded, he just replied to me as if I was still his "dude" living next door.

But now, it seemed like he was waiting for me to flirt back and I had no idea how to respond. I was almost about to stop breathing when another message came through.

Connor: Sorry. Accidentally pressed send before I finished typing. I meant to say 'I don't think I'd be very interesting to stalk.'

And now my galloping heart, stumbled, fell and cracked. I took a deep breath and replied.

Sadie: Yeah. Ur totally boring.