Chapterish 29

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THANKSGIVING EVE

Three days. It's been three days. It's not even enough time for an avocado to ripen but here I am already missing him. Missing my Brooks. My.

I disgust myself.

It's the word that makes me want to reevaluate my mental well-being.

I'm three blocks away from my loft. Sitting at a coffee bar. Pumpkin spice latte in hand. #PSL for those of you who only speak in trends. 'Tis the season, bitches.

Every time my phone dings, buzzes, vibrates or literally just sits there I hope it's him. It takes a lot of TV, a lot of yoga, some porn and a ton of ripening avocados for me to keep my mind occupied. OK, maybe I squeezed in a one-night stand or two (pun intended). I blame Zoë. It's like there's this wild dormant side of me that comes out to play whenever she's around. She's a terrible influence.

It didn't matter. It didn't change anything. It's like sex has been ruined for me.

Once you go demi-god you never go back.

Filthy average humans. Eye roll to them all.

Had to keep my hands too busy to pick up my phone and be the one who caves first #feminism. We are the stronger sex and I will be damned if I let smooth talking, surfer-boy, demi-god Jay Brooks break me.

It's been three days since he's called or texted. So what? My head tells me there's a logical explanation. There must be. Brooks has been checking-in every other day since Labor Day. Sometimes we video chat.

The video chat after Halloween was our longest. A lot of sorry's went around. Some we actually meant. Some not so much. More from him than me. The conclusion was we should never text/call each other while drinking. More easily said than done as that is arguably when you want to text/call people the most –especially ill-fated sexy ex-turned-current lovers.

He spent the entire last video chat trying to convince me we should visit each other. I was finally coming around to the idea; I had told him maybe I would consider it. Since then, nothing.

Of course not. Duh. I took the bait. I said maybe. The chase is over and he knows it.

It's not like Halloween completely erased everything, right?

I may or may not have stalked his media pages. Discovered he was in Myrtle Beach last weekend. Couldn't help notice all of the attractive women on his story. Couldn't help harping on them for hours –days. Not proud of it, but it happens. I knew this would happen.

Typical boy. I'm prob getting ghosted.

It's your own fault I remind myself.

Go Zen is crowded as fuck today.

I'm splitting the 11AM class with Zoë and there're still too many people to focus on. The front glass windows are already steaming up from everyone's overly active sweat glands. This ain't PE class, people; news flash, deodorant is a thing.

"Don't forget, we're going out tonight. Downtown at 10," Zoë says, walking past me.

"We'll see," I mumble under me breath. I reposition myself in a new pose. The floor follows suit.

"We'll see... what you're wearing out? Cause we are doing out." Zoë raises her eyebrow at me, insistent.

"Fine. Fine. Just focus," I sigh, laughing.

I look out at the crowd in front of me -the wood floor splattered with neon patterned yoga mats.

"I am focused. Ready for the next session," Zoë says, standing up.

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