the Secret Life of Damien Carmichael

3. Daydreaming (part II)

Damien was walking down a long narrow hallway that looked oddly familiar, yet foreign somehow. It felt all at once like Westlake and home, and somewhere he was sure he'd never been. In his mind he knew where he was, he just couldn't quite seem to place it. Wherever he was, he was walking down the dimly lit hallway, when he was suddenly grabbed by the collar and pulled into a darkened alcove. His breath hitched as he looked up at his captor. Oliver, he thought, though the words were caught in his throat. Oliver looked down at him, hungrily, as though he might devour Damien whole. Gods though he wanted him to. Before he knew what was happening, Oliver shoved him against the rough wall with considerable force, nearly knocking the air out of his lungs, and pressed their lips together. Damien gasped into his mouth, reaching his hand up and threaded his fingers into thick auburn hair. Damien whined this couldn't be a dream, he thought. It felt too real. Too tactile, he needed to believe this was real. That it wasn't just some trick his mind was playing on him. Oliver kissed him deeper and Damien's mind swam, he could no longer think of the possibility of dreams, there was only this. Only them.

Oliver kissed down his jaw, across his throat, nipping at the flesh with his teeth as he went. Damien gasped, arching towards Oliver, desperately craving more.

He jolted awake with a start, and groaned as he took in his surroundings mournfully. It had been a dream, Damien thought with a miserable sigh, burying his face in his pillow. He was covered in a thick sheen of cold sweat from his dream, or perhaps it had been the shower earlier. He couldn't quite tell if that part had been a dream or not, but either way he needed a proper shower now he decided, getting to his feet.

He felt considerably better, despite the dream trying to torture him. His headache was nearly gone, and he was even feeling mildly peckish. He could only hope that it was somewhere near lunchtime now. Even on weekends, the Dining Hall didn't make a habit of staying open all day which meant that if it wasn't near lunchtime he would have to wait until dinner before he could eat a proper meal. Damien shuddered at the thought, and decided to try and make it a quick shower.

Stripping off his wet pajamas, he made his way toward the furthest stall and stepped inside, turning the water on to as hot as he could possibly stand, Damien, stepped under the water and scrubbed himself down as fast as he could manage. Grabbing a towel, Damien all but sprinted across the bathroom, nearly slipping several times as he made his way towards the dorm and dressed as quickly as he could. He pulled his phone off his nightstand, eleven-thirty, he sighed with relief, he still had a half hour before lunch. Laying in bed, Damien checked his Tumblr for any updates. He still had a few more chapters to edit and send to his beta before he could post them.

Then there was Adam. He was interesting, Damien thought, though he still didn't know his actual name. He had tried not to make it a habit to answer him too quickly lest he seem clingy or attached. He knew it wasn't likely they'd ever meet, but at the very least, their conversations were pleasant and enjoyable, and for a brief moment he could allow himself to hope and to dream. He tried not to get lost in these dreams, but every time he saw a new message notification he couldn't help but hope that it was from Adam.

Damien opened his inbox excitedly. There, waiting for him in his inbox, was a new message from AdamHimself31:

Sorry I haven't been as active. Been kind of busy, what with school and all. Just read the latest chapter and it's brilliant! You're always brilliant. Am I gushing? Lol sorry. You're just so good and I really just love this story. I'm so glad I found you. I have to admit it's been sort of a hard few months and I know this is a lot to put on you so I'm sorry I just want you to know that I really appreciate you and your work because it helps take me out of my own shit for a little while. Anyway enough blabbering from me. How are you? You said in your last note you didn't have a lot of friends IRL. I can't believe anyone wouldn't want to be your friend.

Damien chuckled at that last part. He couldn't help but appreciate the sentiment. Pulling out his laptop, Damien opened up Tumblr to reply to Adam's message:

Thanks, I'm glad you liked it... 

(Damien had the immediate thought, I thought of you a bit when I wrote it, but decided against saying as much. It was true enough, he had thought of his online friend, and he had thought of Oliver while writing Adam and Claudius's first kiss, neither of which seemed like information he needed to share). 

I have a fairly solid idea of where the story is going to go from here, but I'm not sure how long I want it to be, you know?

I'm sorry to hear that you've been having a rough time. It's really not a problem, you're more than welcome to share if you're comfortable. If not I understand. As for the question of my friendships... 

(Damien didn't really want to get into it with an otherwise perfect stranger. He suspected Adam would take his side, but if he was honest with himself, the thought of attempting to explain it all was frankly exhausting.) 

It's complicated. The short answer is I tried to be there for one friend, and another friend took that personally and lashed out and I lashed out and you find when everybody is lashing out no one is really communicating and well... they have a big mouth and so everyone sort of took their side on the matter. My abrasive personality mixed with bitchy defense mechanisms basically means that I've done nothing to help matters and so... virtually friendless. I mean I can't say that, I do have a lot of friends, most of them online, and then there's someone who's very much become my friend despite my better efforts in real life. And I can't help but appreciate that. Anyway, I'm always here to talk to whenever you want.

Damien hit send and closed his laptop. There was nothing for it, he thought dragging himself out of bed. It was time to go down to lunch, and face the inevitable conversation with Carrie.