Baatein kuch unkahee si

Part 22

Arnav could see khushi infront of his eyes, wearing the red saree, encircled by the diyas...he had never seen something more beautiful than that and that day he had lost all his senses.

He turned a page and read:

..Jo hua uske baarey mein hum anjaan to nehi they, yeh to ekdin hona hi tha..lekin hum jo mehsoos kar rahe hai uske baarey mein zarur anjaan they...aj jab arnavji humey payal pehenaye...aur fir hamarey kareeb aaye...itne kareeb ki hum unke saanso ko mehsoos kar paa rahe they...humey laga tha ki hamarey beech ki yeh unkahee benaam si rishtey ko ek naam milega...pyaar ka, beintehaan mohabbat ka....lekin hum to bhul hi gaye they humey sapne dekhne ka koi haq nehi hai...arnavji sahi kehetey hai sapne bhi aukad dekh ke dekhi jaati hai...aur hum aapna aukad bhul gaye they...jab unhone lavanyaji se aapni magni ki baat sabke samne rakkhi aur fir humse kaha ki hamarey beech jo kuch bhi hua uska koi matlab nehi humey ehsaas hua ki yehi hamari saaza hai aukad bhulne ki aur hamarey ankhon se saarey sapne aasu banke behe gaye.....(whatever happened today was not unknown to me, this had to happen one day, but whatever I am feeling at the moment is unknown to me..i never knew I could feel this way. Today when he put on that anklet and then he came near me...so near that I could feel his breath...I thought that the unsaid, unnamed relationship between us will get a name today ...that of love..but I had forgotten that I don't have a right to dream..arnavji is right...we should dream according to our status and I forgot that...when he announced his engagement with lavanyaji and he told me whatever happened between us doesn't mean anything to him, I realized that this my punishment of forgetting my status and all my dreams shattered and were washed away with my tears)

Arnav clutched the diary close to his heart and apologised to her yet another time: sorry khushi...I am really sorry khushi... us raat hamarey beech jo kuch bhi hua uski bas ek hi wajah thi...pyaar.. us raat main aapne feelings pe kabu rakh nehi paya tha...lekin ek bar fir aapne kamzori ko cover karne ke liye tumhe chot pohochaya...i am sorry... Khushi.. (sorry khushi...I am really sorry khushi... whatever happened that night was because of one reason and that is love... I didn't have a control on my feelings that night...and once again to hide my weakness I hurt you...i am sorry... Khushi...)

For the first time even arnav was confessing everything to himself after reading khushi's diary. All this while he never even accepted all this to himself as he didn't want to be seen as a weak person even if that was in his own eyes. But when he read khushi's diary, he understood how true she was to her feelings about him and was never scared to admit that even though he had mistreated and misbehaved with her so many times.

Khushi was lying down on the bed with her eyes closed. She felt arnav call her. She sat up saying: arnavji!! But then realised she was in her room and there was no arnav. Once again the darkness of the room reminded her of the darkness in her life.

Arnav kept his face covered with his palm for a long time. He really didn't have the strength to read more. But at the same time he couldn't stay away from khushi. For the first time he was being able to fit the missing pieces and complete the puzzle and the picture that was gradually emerging had both of them together and he wanted to complete it as soon as possible.

He wiped his face once again and picked up the diary.

...Sab chahtey hai ki hum shyaamji se sagaai karle..lekin hum arnavji ko nehi bhul saktey..yeh jantey huye ki woh na hi kabhi hamarey they aur nahi kabhi honge.. Jiji keheti hai shyaamji hi shayed hamarey sapno ke rajkumar hai...hum jiji ko kaise samjhaye ki hamara ek hi sapna tha...pehela aur akhri sapna..jo diwali ki raat toot chuka hai...(everyone wants me to get engaged to shyaamji...but I can't forget arnavji inspite of knowing the fact that he will never be mine..infact he never was..jiji says shyaamji is my dream man...but how do I make her understand that I had only one dream..my first and last dream which broke on the diwali night)

Arnav clenched his fist reading shyaam's name. She never wanted to be engaged to him. Arnav was the only person even in her thoughts.

..Akhri din bhi chot ke ilava kuch nehi mila... Shantivan mein hamara akhri din..sab chahtey they hum ruk jaye..nehi sab nehi...lekin hamara dil janta hai ki hum aur nehi ruk saktey they...arnavji ko kisi aur ke hotey huye dekhne ka himmat nehi hai hum mein...itne bahadur nehi hai hum..jaatey jaatey bas akhri bar arnavji se milne gaye they...ek chhoti is ummeed ke sath ki kash woh thoda sa muskura de aur hum unhi yaadon ke sath baki ki zindagi guzaar de...lekin woh to arnav singh raizada hai...aur woh bas dard dena jantey hai..aur unhone waisa hi kiya...(last day also I didn't get anything but pain..that last day at shantivan...everyone wanted me to stay back...no not everyone....but my heart knows that I cant stay...I cant see him becoming someone else's..i don't have so much courage...I am not that brave...but just wanted to see him smile before going and I could have spent my whole life with that memory...but he is arnav singh raizada and he can only hurt...and he did just that)

She came to see a little smile on his face, despite all the pain he had given her.... thought arnav recalling how he had yelled at her and pushed her, so much that she had fallen down and cut her finger in the broken glass.

Arnav kept his eyes closed and said: trust me khushi....main tumhe rokna chahta tha...hamesha hamesha ke liye...but I couldn't damn it! (khushi...I wanted to stop you...forever... but I couldn't damn it!)

Khushi sat on the bed and looked at her ring finger which arnav had bandaged in front of the temple and then recalled her marriage at the temple and said: devi maaiya yeh rishta to aapke samne juda tha na..fir yeh bandhan itna kamzor kaisa ho sakta hai!! (devi maaiya you were the witness to this relationship...then how can it be so weak!)