Remembering Us

"This Is a Terrible Idea"

I wrote part of Cameron's letter today. My feels are all over the place.

"Make love to your wife."

She had said those words so clearly. So determined. And the way she responded I thought...

Well, never mind what I thought. It's very obvious I was wrong. So wrong.

"Mr. James," Samuel sighs as I dismiss my lawyer. "I happen to personally think this is a terrible idea."

"I didn't ask for your opinion Sam." A stack of tagged paperwork slides out of the manila envelope and into my hand.

"Well considering I'm no longer your employee I figured I would give it anyway." At his statement I glance away from the paperwork.

"Pardon?"

"I do not want to stand by as you throw away your marriage. I-"

"Throw away my marriage?" I scoff, my anger reaching its peak. I stand from the desk, throwing the papers down before my palms slap the mahogany desk. "My marriage doesn't exist!"

"Ryan, I need you." Each sob driving a stake into my chest.

"My marriage hasn't existed in a long time. It's just that now I realize I can't force it."

What had Xander told me?

'If you love her, let her go.'

"Then consider this my two weeks notice. I cannot-"

"No need," I tell my driver, bodyguard, and confidant of the past fifteen years. A mix of arrogance, anger, and antagonism fill me as I watch the old, ex-marine frown. "You're easy to replace."

"Just like your wife?" He throws my bitter tone right back at me, disappearing before I can reach for the whiskey glass in front of me.

I throw it anyway, the glass shattering while liquid runs down the dark door.

Damn him to hell.

-

"Cameron," Amelia is running, well waddling, out of the house the second I step out of the SUV. "Sam is out back," She says in a hurry, referring to the small cottage two acres away. "He said he quit and that he's packing. What happened?"

"Nothing." I mutter, my hand tightly gripping the stack of papers. The disbelief on her face matches this morning's look.

Puffy-eyes and a red face enter the room just as I step out of the bathroom fully dressed.

Her sobs echo through my skull.

The wet edges of her hair give away the fact that she was trying to hide her tears.

Too bad I witnessed them.

She jumps when she sees me. "I have to take care of something." I pray my tone doesn't give me away as I quickly make my way out of not only the room but also the house.

She doesn't need to know about the ache I feel, the emptiness that fills me. She doesn't need to know that while getting ready, my feelings became too much and broke free. While she was crying to Ryan, my tears fell for only the darkness to know about.

"What are those?" Her wide-eyes zero in on my hand.

"I-" My voice breaks so I clear my throat, telling myself to keep my emotions out of this. I've done it before. I can detach my emotions from her. "I can't do this. You're not my wife." So many emotions, all of which I'm unable to identify, flit through her eyes causing me to look away. "It's too hard. I'm sorry." I mutter a shitty apology, not that it's needed. She wants this, she wants out.

I've been selfish. She's not happy with me. She... She doesn't love me and I can't force that.

My hand shakes as I hold out the papers, red tabs sticking out in the places where she needs to place her signature next to mine.

"Don't be." She responds, unable to look me in the eye as she sees the the words in cursive font.

'Divorce Decree'

"Um, you're right." She abruptly turns walking to the front door and grabbing a pen from the table we keep our keys. She quickly scribbles her name down on three pages, not even hesitating to sign away the past eight and a half year of her life.

Not her life. I remind myself. Not hers, just mine.

When she gets to the fourth and final page her hand freezes just above the signature line.

Say something... anything... don't let her feel guilty for not loving you.

"I have come to accept that my Lia is gone, and that nothing is bringing her back."

Her only response is to continue writing.

"Maybe you should have read that through." I say, doing my best to keep my voice void of each emotion I currently feel.

"I trust you." She mutters but I don't miss her tone. It says things she isn't saying.

'I trust that you love me, but I don't trust you enough to reciprocate those feelings.'

"I don't think you'd be unfair."

"You get half of everything. And..." I struggle to find my breath. "The kids will stay with you."

All the fight has been completely drained from me as I allow myself to feel my loss. I don't fight when tears start to tell up in my eyes and I don't let the emotion clogging my throat stop me from speaking.

"I have open visitation rights that I beg you let me take advantage of."

"Always."

"I can't lose my children too." I whisper, watching as she neatly stacks the papers back together.

"And I would never wish that upon you." Her voice matches mine as she hands me the papers. "What now?" She searches my face after minutes of silence, the both of us lost in thought.

"I have to go to Vegas to check on a new hotel, when I get back I'll sell the house if you wish to leave, or I can simply move out when I get back."

"How long will you be gone?" She asks, not picking up on my unasked question.

"A month at least." Probably longer, much longer.

"Oh." She suddenly looks down, her voice croaking.

"What?" I ask, my mind racing to understand her.

"Will-" Her voice breaks off in some emotion causing her to clear her throat before trying again. "Will you be back in time for the baby?"

"Yes." I respond instantly. I will be here for my children, all of them. Just because Amelia and I cannot be together, it doesn't mean my relationships with each of my children will be tarnished.

At least, god, I hope not.

***
Fun fact:
I have six published stories and EIGHT unpublished stories. Stories which have covers and prologues and first chapters written and I just want to publish them all...
I also published a story the other then then deleted so I'm sorry if you read it and now can't find it...