Blue Exorcist AU | If Rin Had Depression (BEING REWRITTEN ON AO3)

Only Choice

Rin's POV

I wake up before the others. I quickly realize where we are, and I chuckle to myself. 'You know, this would be a good last day...' I think.

I mean, it's true, right? If I were to die now, I could die happy. I would be remembered by the people I care about most. People might even cry about my death. Then it's decided!

I get up, grabbing my jacket off the ground. I push past the shrubs and make my way out of the forest. Before I know it, I'm in my dorm room. With a bottle of pills.

I realize that, since I heal rather quickly, overdose may not be the best way. Putting the bottle down, I rummage through Yukio's drawers. If I can just find an exorcist knife, then I will be guaranteed to be gone.

Grabbing fresh clothes, jeans and a nice blue sweater, I make my way over to the bathroom.

"Rin?" I hear my familiar. Shit! I almost forgot all about Kuro... "Where were you yesterday? I was worried."

I smile down at the small, furry cat. "I took Yukio somewhere special to me, and I guess we passed out. He's actually still there! I thought it would be better for him to sleep then be disturbed awake." I look at my bare feet. He can't know, or else he will tell someone immediately. I love him, but I can't take that risk.

"Okay! I'll make sure to wait for him in the kitchen to let him know you're safe." He grins and makes his way out of the bathroom doorway.

Sighing, I close the door behind me. I settle the clothes in a corner and put my towel in front of the shower. I turn the handle as hot as it gets, and step in. At first I hiss at the pain. However, after a few seconds it began to feel normal.

I scrub my body as much as I can. I don't want Yukio to have to smell my bodily stench when he finds me. That would just be unpleasant for him.

After washing thoroughly, I dry myself with the soft, lime green towel I took from the cabinet. I slyly slip on my clothes and head out of the bathroom.

I sit on my bed for a minute, the weight of what I was about to do finally hitting me.

Is this really the right decision?

Wasn't Yukio there for me?

Was he just lying?

And I really just a burden to him?

Why do I cause nothing but pain to those around me?

Will this just cause even more pain for my friends?

Or will it be a blessing to them?

Taking a deep breath, I revise my decision. I will go to the roof instead of somewhere like a bathtub or our bedroom. Up there I will have complete privacy, and they may not even find my body for awhile.

I grab Yukio's knife and head up the stairs to the roof.

Hey guys! I know, another short chapter. I want to ask something of you guys; could you compare this one to the last and comment whether you like shorter or longer chapters? I really don't know what to do here, so I'd like some feedback.

The next chapter will be from Yukio's POV, so get ready!