The Wandering God

23 First Impressions Are Strongest 2/3

先入為主
xiān rù wéi zhǔ
The first impression takes priority.
First impressions are strongest.

We left the courtyard of the old dowager through a smaller side entrance, then made our way through the majestic forest on foot, following well traversed trails through the trees and ferns. The rocks of the path were worn flat with years of passage, and between them well grown moss glowed like green velvet, looking so soft I wanted to lean down and touch it.

Lu had loved moss.

I turned quickly to Sanli where he walked beside me, holding my arm on his own. "Where are you taking me, my prince?"

Sanli looked at me and grinned. "To Wo You Nai, my courtyard. It's just a short walk further."

I glanced behind us, but Kageyama, who had followed us from Lady Lu's courtyard, had disappeared.

"Sho Sensei has things to take care of, I'm sure. Besides looking after me, he has a number of other responsibilities in the family," Sanli explained, when he saw me searching for the kitsune. "And we are safe here, in the valley. He does not need to follow me like a shadow."

"I was not worried. Just curious," I replied.

We walked in silence for a moment, then Sanli spoke. "I apologize for my... mother."

"She doesn't like you much, does she," I said, my painted lips twisting in a smile.

"No. And to spare you further shock, neither does anyone else in my family. Besides Ermi."

Sanli tried to say it lightly, as though it was no matter to him, but his ever present smile looked thin.

I shrugged, to show him my indifference. "I was not shocked," I replied. "I knew she was not your real mother—" I was wearing too-tall shoes, and at that moment the smooth wood of the bottom slipped on the slick stone.

Sanli held his arm still, to steady me as I found my balance. "Such behavior is expected, when a man adopts his bastard," I finished, finding my balance.

I saw Sanli's mouth twitch when I voiced the last word.

Gently I squeezed his arm, beneath my hand. "Do not take offense, my prince. Your birth means nothing to me. It is just a word."

Sanli's eyes trailed over the forest around us. "When you hear a word so often, it can become something more."

The way he said it, I realized this was indeed something that preoccupied him, that took up his thoughts.

Perhaps it is not only his family who draw a line between them, I thought. The little prince does it on his own.

I halted, pulling Sanli to a stop beside me, and grabbed his chin, turning his eyes down until they met my own.

"Listen. Even before I was what I am now, I had nothing. No name, no family. Everything I gained I took for myself."

Sanli's green eyes widened in surprise as I spoke. My grip on his chin tightened. "You decide who you are, prince. Not your parents, not your family. Not your name. And certainly not some word. Do you understand?"