Sucks to Suck (Spider-Man/X-Men Females X Male Reader)

IS THAT THE FUCKING DAZZLER!?

"Man, robbing people blind in the dead of night is overrated! I should've done this forever ago!" I said as I webbed a bag around a bunch of cash. All the security guards were either webbed to the walls or had their hands tied together and the civilians watched on in a panic. "So um, sorry if you got your money stolen but I needed to let out some steam! Some crazy mutants have been stalking me for like a day now and freaking me out!" I said as I grabbed the net and walked out. "And now to get a head start and //////// web away before the cops-" I said before I dodged a fucking yellow laser beam being shot at me. "WOAH HEY!" I said before looking at where the laser came from. I looked up and saw this girl in a red and blue suit and a helmet over her head.

"Put it back, creep."

"Oh man, you're fun. You must be new here because in New York, in order to be a superhero you gotta have a witty personality... unless you're Daredevil." I said before shuddering. The guy scares the living shit out of me.

"I'm not going to ask you again."

"Good, cuz I just wouldn't ////// have listened again." I said before dodging another laser beam and jumping onto a wall. "Hey! I thought you good guys weren't supposed to kill!? Doesn't that thing have a stun setting or /////// some shit!?" I said before dodging another laser beam. "Quit it!"

"You're testing my patience!"

"And you're a bitch!" I said before she//// gritted her teeth. She flew towards me like a meteor and I rolled to the right of her on the wall. She punched a hole through it. I dodged multiple more punch attempts before I said "You fight like a girl." Causing her to shout and throw another punch that I dodged by jumping off the wall. "Hey what's with the dumb helmet? You ugly under there or something?" I asked before shooting a web and grabbing her helmet.

"Hey!" She shouted. As I pulled on the web she grabbed the end of it and //// jerked me over to her before I ate a punch to the face. I flipped into a bus before slowly getting up.

"Ow!... Hey, why don't you do something useful with all that power and go beat up that guy who killed those Avengers losers!?"

"I did."

"Yeah you-... Huh?"

"I beat Galactus."

"...//////Is that canon?" I asked before dodging another laser beam. "Alright now you're pissing me off!"

"That makes two of us!" She said before another laser beam shot her and she fell to the ground. Wait what? As she struggled to get up she got hit with a second beam and went down the stairs that led to the subway.

"...I WIN! I BEAT THE GIRL WHO BEAT GALACTUS THEREFORE I AM STRONGER THAN GALACTUS!" I said raising my arms in victory.

"That broad must've hit you in the head harder than it looked like she did." Someone said. He had a southern accent, but it was less charming jezebel like the goth chick and more redneck bumpkin. I looked over and saw this dude in a cool red and yellow net costume with two metal red gloves on. He was counting the money that he got from my web net that I had just robbed The- HEY WAIT A MINUTE!

"Heyheyheyheyhey that's my cash bud!"

"'Fraid not. It's part of my bonus."

"What? Bonus? What the fuck are you on about, Dude?"

"Well, there's the 15 grand for killing ya from King Pin, plus whatever I picked off your dead body." He said before pointing his hand at me ////// and a blue light started emanating from- ah shit.

I got blasted into multiple cars as people began to run for their lives.

"Ow!" ////// I said before getting up again and getting hit with another blast. "Fuck!" I said feeling my chest where the blast hit. My costume was beginning to tear. "Hey! Do you have any idea how long this is gonna take /////// to f- wait, where'd he go?"

"No longer than it's gonna take to fix your broken rib cage." I heard a voice say before I dodged a punch from the guy. I threw a punch of my own that barely made him stumble before turning back to me. "Sure, fight back a little. It'll make things less boring." He said before his /////// hands started to light up again before webs tangled around his hands. Wait, I didn't make those. I thought before something pulled me back into a telephone pole.

"Stay there." Spidergirl told me.

"So I get to kill two bugs at once, huh?" The guy in red and yellow said before he ripped his hands away from each other.

"Well actually spiders are arachnids-"

"You're not killing anyone, Shocker!" Spidergirl said interrupting me. "So take your lame attempt at Baron Zemo cosplay and crawl back into whatever barnyard you crawled out of, 'partner'."

"His name's Shocker? That's pretty cool." I said. After I did Shocker got tackled down by the goth chick from last night. "So what is she like your sidekick now?" The girl felt around Shocker for some weird reason.

"I can't find an opening!" She said before Shocker threw her off.

"Rogue!" Spidergirl shouted. She webbed towards Shocker before getting hit by one of his blasts. Shocker walked over to  Spidergirl and charged his gloves again.

"Night night." He said before a blinding light appeared behind Spidergirl. I could barely see anything too before the light faded another quick light appeared and Shocker was on the ground hiding his eyes while Spidergirl was looking up at a girl with blonde hair and pink highlights in a really tight suit with a brown jacket on. The jacket had a little Star or something on it that looked really famili-

"Ooooooooooooooh my fucking shit!" I muttered. "That's fucking Dazzler!.... OOOOOOOOH MY FUCKING SHIT DAZZLER IS A FUCKING SUPERHERO!" I added. Dazzler looked up at me for a split second surprised someone recognized her but shook her head and went to check on Rogue as Spidergirl tied up Shocker. I heard cop sirens in the distance before Spidergirl looked over at me. "What?" I asked. She looked over at Dazzler and looked like she was saying something. "...oh yeah, this is the part where I break out of the webs and steal the money and ////// we run around for a minute and-" I said before Dazzler shined a light in my face that made everything go white. "OW! MY EYES!"

"Sorry about that. Nothing personal." Dazzler said before someone grabbed me.

"LET GO OF ME!" I said.

"Might as well knock him out. He's not gonna stop trying to break out the whole ride to your place if you don't." Spidergirl said. "He's extremely stubborn."

"Is there anyway you can do it without hurting him?" Rogue asked.

"No." Spidergirl said before I was put down/////. "Plus I need to let off some steam, too. As you can imagine, this is a little stressful for me too."

"Don't you fucking d-" I said before a fist hit me in the face and the blinding white was turned into a blinding darkness.