See You Bleed | ✓

XIX

My head is pounding. My whole body is fatigued and it takes me great effort to lift the glass of water and drink it.

Deja vu.

He isn't looking into my eyes. I don't remember that much from last night. But I do remember kissing a stranger.

I've been a mess for so long that I find it hard to feel guilty about my behaviour.

"For how long have you been doing it?" he asks with a dangerous edge in his voice.

"Doing what?" I try to play dumb. Playing with fire.

"The drugs, Sasha, for how fucking long have you been a fucking drug addict?" he shouts. His voice is trembling, he's losing his composure. I can't help the cynical smile on my lips. I'm enjoying it.

"I don't remember," I drawl lazily while playing with the empty glass on the dining table.

He grabs my face roughly with his hand. He doesn't realise that he's hurting me. But that's alright. I don't feel anything else asides physical pain and it makes me smile wider.

"Does this sound like a big joke to you, huh? Is this fucking funny for you?" I revel in his rage. I can't bring myself to care about anything but hurting him back right now. Sadistic.

"You know, this morning is different from what I'm used to. I usually wake up with random men in strange places," I see it straight away. Pain, consuming him from head to toe.

His touch falters and he steps back. But I'm not finished hurting him just yet. "I wake up completely naked and I have to spend at least ten minutes to find all my clothes," I chuckle with a sinister smile.

"Stop," I hear the anguish in his voice and it makes me want to cause him further pain. "Stop? I don't want to stop, Maximilian. I want to hurt you as much as you hurt me, if not worse." I see his face twist in distress, and it keeps me going.

"I want you to crumble from the pain I felt all those years ago and finally understand just how much you fucking shattered me," I feel the wetness falling down my face. Why the fuck am I crying?

I turn around and try to strip all emotions off my voice before I throw the final blow, "I fucking hate you, Max. I will always fucking hate you."

"Sasha... don't," he sounds vulnerable. I'm feeling sick to my stomach.

I gather all my things and leave his place in a hurry. I need to get the fuck away from him.