Off Limits

45. Drown My Sorrow

Over the past two days, I've been waking up early to run around the neighborhood. I zipped my Nike jacket to my neck and jogged through the chilly morning air. It seems so much colder in the mornings here and I don't know if I like it. The dry air filled my lungs as I inhaled to control my breathing. I blasted music in my ears and continued blocking the thoughts trying to resurface.

I barely slept, knowing I'm exhausted. I figure I'll run to the market and pick up sleeping pills or something. I've been trying everything to put myself to sleep and nothing seems to work. No, I haven't been stalking them on social media. I actually blocked them for awhile just to clear my head and allow space. It was definitely not forever, just temporary. I don't even follow Joey, but I used to creep on his socials when we were 'messing' around.

My mom has been wonderful though, trying to break me out of the pain I'm feeling. She stood by her word and caledl off for a few days. We caught up a bit and talked about almost everything.

I slowly came to a stop when I approached the market a few blocks from my house. I caught my breath as I walked into the store and went straight to the pharmacy aisles. I scanned all three isles in hope to find something for not being able to sleep, when a familiar voice caught me off guard. "Riley?"

I pulled a headphone away from my ear and turned around to see an old friend of mine, Cassie. "Hey Cass." Nothing happened between us. We just fell off when we both went our separate ways for college.

"Wow, it's been so long. You look great," Cassie commented.

She was lying. "Thank you. So do you. You back in town?"

She tightly held onto her carry basket. "Yeah! I thought about staying in California, but too expensive for me." I agreed. We stood in the dead middle of the aisle and talked about college and graduating. She looks the exact same from high school with her dark long brown hair that she wears into an Ariana Grande ponytail, thick eyebrows, and lips.

"It was so nice seeing you. What are you doing tomorrow?"

I didn't pretend to act as if I was even remotely busy. "Uh, absolutely nothing."

"You should come out with me. Cosmo? We tried to sneak in when we were like...seventeen?"

I faintly laughed. "I'd actually love that."

"Here take my number." We exchanged numbers while I resumed looking for sleeping pills. When I found them, I checked out and made my way back home.

~~

"I think this is good for you, Shelly. Have fun and be young. You're going to wish you did before you get old and... I'm sure you get the picture." I laughed as my mom sat on my bed while I did my makeup. I honestly didn't feel like going out but I know I need it. I need to hang with old friends and start my life again. I can't sit in my room and make myself miserable.

"Going to get white girl wasted." I joked.

Her eyes widened, "Maybe not that drunk, but enough to enjoy yourself. You look beautiful, honey."

I smiled, observing the basic, metallic body-con dress I decided to wear. I know one thing for sure, I wasn't going out to find a rebound. I just wanted to let loose and enjoy myself. I placed big voluminous curls in my hair and only half-did my makeup, but it still looked good. I still managed to cover the dark bags appearing under my eyes that I hate with a passion.

I grabbed my purse and made my way out and into the Uber I requested. When the driver appeared, he asked me where I was headed in his thick British accent and proceeded to take me to get drunk. He played light music that I could barely understand, but I didn't care. I sat quietly and looked out of the window.