Chapter XVIII

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Lost

No right path,

No one to guide,

Not a soul to listen,

Her desperate cries.

No medium to reach out,

No method to follow,

No one to understand,

She was lost in the shadow.

°°°

How can she tell anyone?

She had majorly messed up her exam.

Who can she share with?

They'll blame her for being lazy, for being a bad daughter, for not telling her sister to study, for not looking after her brother, for not making time for her family...

Everyone would point fingers at her, for always spacing out, for not reacting appropriately, for not thinking about her actions.

She can see how things would be easier for everyone if she left.

Her mom won't have to invest in her anymore, she'll have the two kids that she loved more.

Her dad won't have to worry about paying for her classes anymore.

A mouth less to feed in the family.

A burden less.

She felt the tears flowing down her face as the hurtful things her mom yelled were playing like a broken record in her ears. The look on her father's face made her stifle a sob.

Throwing away her doodle journal and poetry diary, she cried silently which made her wheeze and breath heavily.

She never wanted to hurt herself but the thought that no one needs her made it possible.

If the ones that are supposed to care, don't bother... How can she live?

Luckily, she had to buy few blades for her practicals. Taking one out, she sat in a corner.

Still crying, ugly sobs choking her.

Pressing the blade against her wrist, she made a deep cut.

The pain made her flinch and whimper.

I deserve the pain... I'm not a proper obedient child.

As the blood oozed out and dripped on the floor, she used her fingers and dipped them in the warm liquid.

I'm not a good person.

She didn't have anything to say, so she didn't write any note.

I'm selfish.

But she had a question to ask... She's done the worst and... This pathetic question wouldn't make anything more bad than it already is.

She wrote it on the attic wall with her blood.

Happy?

~~~

It was pure torture for Namjoon.

He was in practice when he felt dizzy.

Scenes were flooding his mind as he collapsed on the floor. Without any of her thoughts but with her experience.

He didn't lose his conscious but he hoped that he did, for he was able to see the what his mate was doing to herself.

He can hear distant screams of others calling out his name which was reduced to senseless murmurs but he was stuck in this weird limbo.

He was able to finally see her.

She looked young, a kid probably, a teenager. Merely few years younger than him.

Sitting alone in some small place and crying. She threw away a book from the small study table beside her.

It shattered his heart to see her like this.

He squatted down to see the book and noticed her name scribbled on it.

He had wanted to see her when he knew that she was made for him like he was especially created to complete her. He had wanted to know her...

But not like this... He cried as he saw her cut her wrist.

He stood there like a ghost, watching her kill herself.

He fell on his knees when he saw her write something on the wall with her blood.

Namjoon-ah!

He heard a distant call.

Ya Kim Namjoon!

His world blurred as she finished writing.

In that moment he felt like he was ready to fight the world for it had wronged her.

He screamed in frustration when he was suddenly back.

Tears were streaming non-stop. His nose was runny. Eyes blood shot. Fists clenched in anger, agony and despair.

The members were scared to see him like this.

He had collapsed without losing conscious, had started crying and now gotten up with a murderous look on his face, yelling.

Namjoon looked around in anguish before he felt her life slowly escape his hold and he cried helplessly.

The world dissolved into nothing just after he caught a glimpse of her distorted figure standing a few feet away from him, crying.

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