A Home for Burnt Boys (*Currently writing*)

Chapter Twelve - A Broken Boy

I toss and turn restlessly. It's Christmas Tomorrow.

I slept most of the day away, hoping that when I opened my eyes the festivities would end. Everyone's been so excited about tomorrow even Rafen seemed to be affected by the holiday season. The younger ones were especially 'jolly', Garnet and Oakley unsurprisingly being the most. I, also unsurprisingly to me, was the least excited.

I hated Christmas.

Don't get me wrong I'm no Grinch, I'm not going to go around and start stealing everyone's presents and ruining Christmas. I'd just prefer not to be a part of anything. A passive observer. Although I knew it wasn't going to fly this year with my new family, who were the epitome of Christmas lovers.

It feels weird to call them that. Were they my new family? Did I even want them to be?

I guess in a way I did. I wanted someone or something to fill the hole that Luna left.

She was part of the reason I hated Christmas.

For clarification she never hated Christmas the way I do now, in fact, she was just like the boys. She always decorated the house and sang carols loudly. And I won't lie I would join in. I haven't always hated Christmas.

Only since she died.

It wouldn't have been so bad if I had had a good replacement parent, not that anyone could have replaced Luna. But you know. Someone to keep up the spirits and love in the house around Christmas. But he neglected to do that, just like he neglected me in every other way. He was never around on Christmas, he always made a point of working on that day. And in the weeks leading up to Christmas, he would never let me decorate the house. Said it made him miss Luna too much.

He was a liar. It had nothing to do with missing her. He just wanted to forget her, to put her in the back of his mind so that he could move on with his dismal life. It was the opposite of what I wanted to do, I didn't want to move on. I just wanted to continue the happiness that she had given me.

I never forgave him for that lie, for using Luna as an excuse to continue to neglect me.

All I wanted was for the house to feel like home again. Though thinking back now though, how could it ever? After all the damages were repaired it was as though every trace as if Luna had turned to ash along with her.

Anyway, that's where my dislike of Christmas started, and every dismal year after year for four years it grew. Until it festered into the blood-boiling hate it is now.

I haven't told any of the boys about my feelings in fear of bringing them down with me, as it was the last thing I wanted to do.

I hear a soft knock at the door. I sigh quietly and rub my hand on the contorted forehead.

"Come in," I reply. The door is pushed open to reveal Lawrence. He smiles shyly. "Hey." I manage.

He walks over to me slowly. "Are you okay?" He asks thoughtfully when he reaches the bed. I shrug, lay back in the bed and sigh. He sits on the edge of the bed and begins to caress my hair. "I know I'm not that good at talking or giving advice but you can talk to me, you know that?" I turn to face him and sit up again.

"Don't do that." I plead. He furrows his eyes and I begin again before he can answer. "Don't put yourself down. You are good at talking when you choose to. You're also extremely good at giving advice. You told me to tell the others about my scar you said they would accept me and you were right."

"I probably would have kept it a secret until it festered so much that it took a hold of me." I continue, "I would have put myself in a position where I wouldn't have been able to get out of my head. I probably would have ended up doing something stupid like pushing you all away." Like I'm doing now. "You're amazing." Lawrence pulls his glasses down so he can brush the few tears rimming his eyes away.