A Force To Be Reckoned With- A Kylo Ren Fanfiction

xxiii.

Thea's POV

I went to Rey's second lesson, but left within minutes because they started to talk about the downfall of Ben Solo and it's becoming a tougher subject to talk about as the days go by. I sat on a rock by the hut camp and looked up at the moon. 

I needed to let go and cry. So I did. I let out all the sobbing ugly crying I built up since I found out Ben was alive.

But was he really alive? I'm starting to accept the fact that it's just Kylo Ren with the love of my life's face, but it's so hard to let him go and it's hurting me.

Then I felt him behind me.

"I'd r-rather not do this right n-now," I choked out as I tried to calm myself down and wipe the tears away to not seem like a weak little girl in front of the man I am fighting against in a war.

"Yeah, me too," he spoke lowly. I sniffled and once I was calm enough I stood up. 

"Why did you kill him?" I asked with a broken voice. I felt him tense, but he didn't answer. "Why did you k-" I asked as I spun to face him but went quiet when I saw what state he was in. I sucked in a breath at the sight. 

He was shirtless.

Wow he has grown. Last time I saw him in this state we were still growing. His hair was now wavy instead of curly and was pushed back by gel. his scar ran from above his eyebrow down to the middle of his chest like the nile. I never noticed how plump his lips were.He was really in shape I mean wow I could cut something on those. He was oily too. Probably a nightly routine of his that would make him seem more girly than me, but I mean it sure as hell working. I swear I was about to drool before I snapped out of it and came back to reality.

I cleared my throat and looked down, drifting my eyes at anything but him. "Could you, uh, put something on?"

"It's not like you haven't seen me like this before, Thea," he stated and I composed myself before giving him a glare. "I mean you didn't seem disgusted by it two seconds ago either."

"You never answered my question," I said diverting the subject. "You had a father who loved you. Who gave a damn about you! How long before I was next!" I raised my voice, the tears making their way back.

"I didn't hate him," he responded so quickly and naturally with a step forward it surprised me a little.

"Then why?"

"Why what?" he nodded his head at me and I looked down. "Why what? Say it"

"Why did you do kill him then? Is that the fate of anyone who loves you?! Help me understand."

"No. Your parents threw you and Rey away like garbage. Skywalker took you in, but you and her still relish in the fact that you were unwanted."

"How dare you say that to me?! You don't know anything about them. You can't know more about them than me," I screamed at him in anger. 

"I do and they did. But you can't stop needing them. Just like you can't stop needing me. It's your greatest weakness," I scoffed. Okay enough with the pity party, it's time to go back to the real Thea.

"I don't need you. I don't need them. I don't remember anything and I've accepted the fact and found a new family. Besides, I have Rey, whose my sister. I'm complete and i'll tell you it's the greatest feeling ever," I sighed in joy as I spread my arms out for emphasis. Then I dropped them and tilted my head to the side, looking him in the eyes and giving him a pout. "But you'll never know what that feels like... Will you?" I walked around him with a finger pointed in his direction. "Love is not a weakness, Kylo Ren. That does not make me weak. Crying does not make me weak. Would you like to know your weaknesses because I could list a few. Let's see... Being Snokes little bitch even though he's just using you, killing those you love because you think they're standing in the way of your power and acting like it doesn't affect you, acting like an angry little brat when he doesn't get his way and uh oh.." I smirked darkly at him. "Pining after a girl who would rather die than be by your side, Kylo." I said Kylo, because this is addressed to him. If it was Ben... There is no question; I'd be by his side at all times. 

"Enough!" He yelled in anger and I could see it on his face. Tears were building up in his eyes as he looked at me. "You don't know what happened. You don't know who I am anymore and the worst part is... You don't know why," he whispered the last part in sadness. He looked down for a moment before looking at me once again. "You didn't ask him what happened that night, did you?"

"I overheard him telling Rey, but that doesn't matter Kylo because I was there." He shook his head. 

"No. That night, you fell asleep in my arms and I held you close and tighter because the voices In my head were becoming louder as the days went by. I agreed to joining, but when I saw you I was almost decided against it. I had a moment of clarity. I thought I was protecting you, but when I looked into your loving eyes I knew it would only hurt you," he explained and I felt my heart breaking at the memories.

"Please, Kylo. I don't want to relive-"

"Listen," he demanded softly. "I left your room and headed back to my quarters. Luke sensed my power. I know you knew it too. And he feared it." He showed me the scene from that night and I sighed before looking down.

"Liar," I called him but my voice betrayed me. He walked up to me until our chests were touching and I froze.

"Let the past die. Kill it if you have to. That's the only way to become what you're meant to be. Empress. By my side," he stated, acting as if he knew my future and held his hand out to me. I simply shook my head at him and walked away.

His is not the hand I want to take.

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