Bonjour

22

"Mommy when is daddy gonna come back home?" LJ asks while poking out his bottom lip. I told Lucas to leave. I couldn't even stand in the same room as him without feeling so much hatred. The only thing I hate Is how it's affecting LJ. He's never seen us separated like this. He's not used to it at all. I'm not keeping him from his dad, but if Lucas wants to see his son he'd have to come get him himself.
"He won't be here for a while baby. Facetime him on your tablet and ask when he'll be able to come get you." I say to him and he darts upstairs to get his tablet. It's been hard talking care of LJ this past month just by myself. From school, to his football games, to him misbehaving, it's just been a lot. I just wish things could've been different but I have to know my worth and not let no nigga treat me any less.
"Did he answer?" I question. "Yeah! He said he's going to call you." LJ responds. "No, he doesn't need to ca-" I say before getting cut off by my phone ring. I didn't want to hear his voice.
"Hello..." I say into the phone as I picked it up. "Yeah, hello? LJ told me to call you. He said it was important." Lucas responds. And immediately after he says that my face turns straight and I look dead at LJ. He's so sneaky. "You not slick." I mouth to him.
"But um nah, can I come today to come get him for the week?" Lucas asks. Fuck. That means id have to see him.
"Yea of course." He says his goodbyes and I just hang. I'm not gonna lie, just his voice made me miss everything about him. That's what I hated about myself. Even though he does me dirty, i still find something about him that makes me wanna day fuck it and give in.
I grab LJs  spider man duffel bag and back him some clothes and shoes, along with his toothbrush and his very own toothpaste. I also put his tablet and his tablet charger in the bag as well.
"LJ your dad is on the way to come get you." I say and as soon as I said it his face just lit up. He loves his dad so much and I love that they have that bond but sometimes I wish he was a mommy's boy.
About 30 minutes later I hear the door ring and I automatically know it's Lucas. I walk to the front door and open it and we say nothing. Just complete silence.
"Uh hey." Lucas says.
"Hey..." I say. This is hella awkward.
"Porsha, I miss you." Lucas says. I wanted to say I miss you too. I really did. I just wanted to fall right back in his arms like nothing ever happened. But something inside of me couldn't. I just stood there trying to avoid eye contact with him.
"Daddy!" LJ shouts and runs up to him and jumps in his arms.
"Hey little man I missed you!" Lucas says while kissing him on the forehead.
"LJ go get your bag and shoes from upstairs so you can go." I say and he goes so. Lucas comes inside and looks around like this is his first time seeing the house.
"Can you come here?" Lucas says more of like a demand. He sits down at the bar stool and I walk towards him. He places his hand on my cheek and just looks at me deeply in my eyes. I felt tears coming and i tried to hold them back for as along as possible but i just can't. My tears fall and Lucas places his fingers under my chin and lifts my head up. I just look at him with tears running down my face. He leans in to kiss me but at first I don't kiss him back. He deepens the kiss and he lets his tongue explore my mouth.
I heard LJs little feet come hopping down the stairs and I immediately stop and wipe the tears away. I didn't want him seeing that. It would confuse him and I don't want him thinking we were back together because we aren't. I still need time to think if this is what I really want.
"You ready?" Lucas says while standing up and grabbing his keys. LJ runs over to give me a hug and a kiss and they head out the door.