Why is everything in my life so dark?
I don't understand why I have to be with the same life everyday.
No matter what I do, she will never be proud of me. Because she despise my existence and don't want anything that have to do with me. But I know that she will be in peace, now that I will meet my end.
For her, end of my existence means peacefulness.
Earlier when that unfamiliar man took hold of me. I'm certain that he will really kill me but, for some reason I did not felt the desperation to be alive instead the blankness of my mind. I don't know how will I react to death because all my life darkness was all I see.
That's why I didn't get the feeling of holding into something, or to someone because there's no light in my life. There is nothing.
Oddly, despite of whatever is happening to me I felt warm for some reason because of the warm hands that is holding mine tightly. Like they don't want me to go and just give up.
Why are you holding me? I'm just nothing but the way you hold me is telling me that I'm more than what I deserved.
That's what is going on my mind right now.
But the stranger's hand didn't waver despite of my protest well, if you can call this a mind protest, that is.
I can feel that my body is being light,
like I didn't weight anything at all.
Ah I know now, I'm floating into a blank space.
I'm floating but it's like I'm seperated to another world because I'm hearing something on the other side of this blankness.
It's a voice. Someone is speaking to me.
"I will apologise to you Cassey because I failed to be your mother
I can't even bother to check how is your day at school. How are you when I'm away gosh I am really the worst and worthless mother of all
but remember this I may be lacking to be a good mother to you but I care for you and love you so much. When I first hold your tiny hands as a baby when I heard your first cry, your first smile to me and when I saw how small and vulnerable you are to this world. I thought that your so innocent to this world so much that I didn't realised that I sheltered and hide you to the world that you deserved to explore. I just love you so much my daughter I'm sorry I did not give you what you want. And I'm sorry that I'm not the mother you wanted to be"
I don't know what to say.
Because I always knew that voice.
It's the person who always know how to make me cry.
I don't even know what to say to her,
all of this is just so sudden to me.
But even though it's like that it made me feel
The word I hated the most, and wish that I have.
Finally! A 2020 update YEY!
Hope you enjoy this update and sorry if it's a filler chapter. Thank you!