My Life is a Play...

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Painful things, Sad things, They all fade away. The pain won't last long eventually it all fades away. I know that, All my life I knew that there are Lies people tell, I wasn't blind to harshness of reality, the honey coated words hid the sharp jabs, The pretty facades hid away the ugly sneers. I learned as I grew that people hid their selves away and donned their masks to act a play everyday. That more often than not their real self was far more twisted than the image they portrayed.

While I knew the cruelty of it and could see the truth, It still looked pretty still made me want to join the act, Be a player on the stage that was set. Be one of the members in the dream like world, that was so romanticized and pretty, all that glitters was gold? Right? For me who was an outcast and was always the victim. I wanted to be accepted to be loved and adored like all the others, I craved and craved it all, to the point it was a obsession .

Sitting here alone I can see it now, for all the time I spent with them I lost so much. Still It was better than before, I was scared to leave, knew the hurt and didn't want to wake, open my eyes to see how alone I had really become. I wanted to continue dreaming, live the fantasy. I ignored and shut everything out and everyone that had mattered, focused everything on myself and selfishly forgot. Of past promises made between two children, who both knew what it felt like to be spurned, ignored or mocked, jeered at and hurt. We shared a life together, we knew a similar pain between each other.

It's exactly why I hate being alone, when I'm alone I'm forced to see reality and all its hideous faults. No the world isn't perfect and people are bound to have faults, I myself as a person gave in, fell into place beside so many people that just accepted it and put all their energy into simply being a piece, one of the billions that filled and roamed this earth. Staring at myself in the mirror I see all the cracks and flaws that formed over time, a doll that time had battered. I sold my soul for the dream, at least it feels that way sometimes.

"It seems like that's all I've been doing" I say as another set of fresh tears drip down. Grabbing my bag I breath in deep and release "perk up Mabel, no time to be feeling down" wiping my face I decide today is the day I'll do something more about it.

Running out the door and descending the stairs I place a smile on. "Ready to go?" He ask wit a smile I had forgotten could be bright and shine, Dipper just as well could have been as popular as me, yet when people always approached him he'd turn cold and pushed them away. I never understood how he could turn away a possible friend. "So..." I ask not sure what to talk about, I quickly forced my way in, but when it comes down to it, I don't know what we could talk about.

"Wanna get something to eat?" Laughing a little I continue talking " I skipped breakfast", he's quiet for a few minutes " well I just ate, but if your hungry we could go to Suzannes diner?" He asks. I smile "that works" we fall not silence again and it doesn't feel so awkward. As we arrive I look around, there's something's that have changed but at the core it's still like it was as a kid, a waitress approaches us and we place a order, "a stack of pancakes please? Extra syrup" I say. She looks at dipper and he quickly replies "a cup of coffee please?" She nods her head as she hots it all down, then leaves to place the order. We both stare at each other and he clears his throat " so I guess we probably have a lot to talk about" he says and it wasn't really a question. I nod and think about where we should start, honestly I'm lost. "I guess we should start with something light, how's your summer going?" He asks before looking out the window. "Well I guess it's been going ok, I mean I said goodbye to Candy and Grenda. Not much else uh, oh! I hung out with gruncle stan and was thinking about getting a summer job" I think that's everything important. He just nods his head, to show he's listening.

"What about you?" I ask genuinely curious about it, he sighs "not much, explored the town a little, met Gideon, just hung around." "Oh, well that sounds fun! What did Gideon look like? It's Been awhile since we seen him" I try to keep this conversation going. "Oh, not much, he gave me some advice" he says as he begins to tear up his napkin I force a laugh, "wow, sounds like he changed alot then" he chuckles a little "yeah, I was suprised how well rounded a person he became, not when I think of the little gremlin he was"  he briefly looks at me "Stan even said he wasn't such a bad kid anymore" he says as a corner of his mouth pulls up.

He opens his mouth only to close it when he sees the waitress return with his coffee "sorry about the wait, mornings are usually pretty busy" she offers hasty apology "quite alright, we understand" Dipper says as he smiles up at the girl. She places it down and turns to me "the pancakes will just be another few minutes"nodding my head ,before she rushes off to another table. I look back at dipper hoping he'll continue what he was going to say, seeing that he wouldn't I quietly sigh to myself oh well if it was really important he'd tell me.

OK I'm going to cut it here, I'll have to write another Chapter for this, I suck at conversations, it's why i can't make new friends, it's like Ralph wiggum, lol "so..,you lie stuff!" ....anyways hope it wasn't to boring I want the next chapter to be all the heavy and dramatic conversations they'll have to have...yay! Confrontation see ya'

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