Knock Me Down - [COMPLETE]

27 - Sleepover

Late at night there's a rhythmic rapping on my window. Panic immediately emerges in me and my half lidded eyes expand and without impulsively moving to see what was going on I freeze. My phone buzzes. It's Jasper.

'Open the window.'

No burglars, thank fuck. It's two in the morning. The light of the tv and Christmas decorations of my roof illuminate his face from the other side of the glass. I'm dizzy with sleep but the scare and having to leave my warm bed to let him inside shakes at least sixty percent of it out of me.

"Are you drunk?"

He pushes the window all the way up when I unlatch it. Jasper isn't the fumbling kind of drunk but he's slower, so he avoids the clumsiness.

"No. Just tipsy" He states dully, closing it at his successful entrance. I shut off the telly.

"Was there a gig today?" I sit back down on my bed. I wasn't aware of any. Connor usually lets me know if the gig times changed, but the days are always the same.

"No" He takes his knit cap off, still in his leather jacket. Leaving the accessory on my dresser, he takes his shoes off and comes over to the other side to lay under my sheets. I don't think he drove from anywhere; he doesn't have his keys. And he never drinks at home. His dad didn't drink beer and never bought it. Cullen was more for bourbon, wine and champagne.

He puts his arm around my hips tugging me down so my back was to his stomach. His hand comes up my bare chest from under my loose tank top, cupping my pectoral. I can feel his heart beat on my back and it hums through me. His chin props itself over my shoulder and his nose nuzzles my ear on accident as his body snuggles against me.

How much he's touching and what he's touching is hazardous.

"I wanted to be with you. To kiss you" He mutters. His voice even lower in the night, hiding from eavesdropping ghosts.

I wonder if he can feel my own heart beat under his hand, shyly, yet boldly from the lack of eye contact I'm able to say "Then kiss me"

He too stubbornly rejects me, "Your brother would kill me if he found out I snuck into his house to kiss his little brother"

"...he doesn't have to find out"

"It's one thing somewhere else, it's another doing it in his home. He wouldn't like it" Jasper insists, but I can tell that inside he knows his reasoning is weak and backwards.

He starts fiddling with the strings of my sweat pants absent mindedly. His fingers occasionally brushing my stomach without intending to.

"When you were a kid, you were so thin" I used to be a little self conscious of it before I started trying to be more muscular.

"Still kinda twig-ish"

He shakes his head disagreeing, making me feel the motion on my neck to my ear. His hand runs up my body, feeling the curves of my muscles on my abdomen like he's showing me the evidence, "It was never a bad thing"

"What happened to the kid in my childhood?" He whispers humorously and lowly.

I like him here. His hand stops where the light hair under my belly button recedes into my clothing.

"I can't do this so easily to your brother, Matty"

"My brother can't tell me who I can kiss. Who I can date" I brace myself, "Who I can fuck"

The last word comes out fragile and timorous.

He holds me tighter for a second, afflicted with what I indirectly suggested, "It's more than that. It's about our friendship"

"Fuck that"

His head is pressed onto the side of temple, his lips incidentally just over my cheek, his right hand hikes its way back up, revisiting my chest. Too high for a guy that doesn't want to kiss me.

"As much as I want to have my way with you and touch you" He breathes me in quietly, I feel his lungs fill against me and then exhale softly in surrender, "I can't, Mateo"

He retreats, laying on his back, "This is enough. Not too much"

I furrow my eyebrows together, "That's not fair"

He rolls over away from me, crossing his arms and closing his eyes to ignore me.

I wrap my arms around his waist, firmly holding him. My pelvis is on his lower back and my breath casts over his nape, "Jasper"

Silence.

I flex the muscles in my arms to give him a squeeze and get his attention. I can't let the conversation end here.

Silence.

I shake him a little more.

Silence.

I finish unzipping his half-done leather jacket, opening it, tugging it to jerk him more violently. I groan out into his ear, annoyed he won't talk to me, "Jasper"

He makes a subdued growl, pushing my body completely onto the bed. I almost cave, feeling I overstepped my place again. I feel the oncoming beginnings of culpability, not having waited for him to explain his reasons in his own time.

He sits up, takes off the jacket, throws it onto the ground before coming down angling his body to face me. He grabs a hold of my jaw, my oxygen intake paused and forgotten when he kisses me deeply.

I'm anxious because this feels both too fast and too late. Too much. Perfect. I'm afraid I'll get hard if this goes on. Him in my bed was material enough. I feel his hand tempted to touch me. To touch my chest but not just with his palms but to honor the details with his fingers. But before he can even come close he pulls himself off.

"No more"

"Okay"

I was disappointed, but respected it. It's for the best. If anything I just wanted him to talk to me more. To tell me more about how he feels and where it's coming from. Sometimes it felt like being in the same building as him was satiating for me, "Are you sleeping here? You can"

"I'll leave early. Before Benicio gets up" He takes his shirt and pants off putting them on my dresser along with the jacket after setting an alarm. He lays on his back when he enters my soft blanket. Our shoulders and arms touching.

"Buenas noches" I say. He doesn't speak but he moves his hand in, making the backs of our hands connect.