Snap Happy (A Daniel Ricciardo story)

4. Holding on and letting go

EMILY

From my vantage point at Casino Square, I watched as the cars flashed by below me, their bodywork glinting in the dazzling sunshine. Glancing over at the screen I could see that Daniel had posted the second fastest practice time, but that the Mclarens were struggling once again. It seemed that Jenson, my favourite of fifteen years would not be standing on the top step come Sunday. Looking down I could see the official photographers with their tabards and passes, and camera kit worth a years wages to someone like me. They were almost within touching distance of the action, particularly at a street track such as this, and there was nothing I wouldn't have done for the opportunity to join them in that moment. I slammed my fist against my thigh in frustration and picking up my own camera I left the circuit.

I felt my phone vibrate in my pocket as I climbed down from the stand but I chose to ignore it until I was clear of the crowds and able to stop.

- 'I wish things could have been different, I don't think I'll ever stop loving you. J x'

My hand shaking, I sent back a swift reply before turning my phone off and burying it deep in the bottom of my bag. Out of sight but not out of mind.

- 'I will always care about you, but we couldn't go on waiting forever. '

Swalllowing a sob I hurried through the streets, head down, vision blurring more with every step. Back at the hotel I donned my racerback swimsuit (I have never owned a bikini or wanted to) and jumped into the pool. My blood boiled despite the soothing water, and I pounded up and down swimming  length after frustrated length until my limbs were weak and my head spun. Hot salt met cool chlorine as I fought in vain to hold back the tears flowing invisibly down my wet cheeks. There was no doubt that I did still love him -  you don't forget about more than six years overnight. We may have spent more time apart during that time than we did actually together, but feelings ran deep on both sides, and kept us together through the travelling, the separation, and the loneliness. 

Until now.

I couldn't stay here, I felt restless and confused and the water hadn't done as much to clear my head as I had hoped. I headed back to my room and straight into the shower before donning the first set of clothes I could find. Camera round my neck as usual I stepped out into the sunlight and began climbing the hill. 

DANIEL

When all the post-practice analysis and interviews were complete I was finally free to leave the track for the day. Heading back to my apartment I spotted a tall figure striding purposefully up the hill and into the distance. Picking up my own pace I tried to follow her before she disappeared completely. I was going to wait and tell her my exciting news in an email later but seeing as she was here in front of me I couldn't pass up the chance to see her reaction in person. 

Rounding the bend I found her sitting with her back to me, looking down at the world beneath. As I got closer I could hear her singing quietly under her breath, her voice low and soft.

"..Don't waste your time on me you're already the voice inside my head..."

I smiled as I recognised the song.

"You can't be pining for me already - we've only just met!"

I instantly regretted my choice of greeting as she leapt up in alarm, her eyes glistening. 

"I miss yoooou, I miss yoooou-oooooo" I crooned, trying to lighten the mood. I sounded terrible but was rewarded  with a shaky laugh so I guess it was worth it.

"sorry, I didn't mean to startle you, I have something exciting to tell you so when I saw you up ahead of me I just thought..." my voice tailed off as I saw the anguish on her face. Realising why I'd stopped she raised her hands to her head and turned away from me back towards the sea. 

"It's fine....I'M fine...really. No need to apologise"

Gently taking hold of her wrists I pulled her hands away and gazed at her, her hair was damp, and free at last to curl wild and untamed around her head, she smelled of shampoo and chlorine and I realised she must have come straight from the pool. Racking my brains I searched desperately to find the magic words to make her open up to me.

"WOMEN!" Not exactly magic but it seemed to have the desired effect.

She spluttered angrily, and then burst out laughing as she saw the grin on my face. Forgetting I still had hold of her hands she tried to take a playful swing at me but missed, half stumbling, half falling into my chest. Resisting the sudden impulse to wrap my arms around her and hold her tightly, I pulled her back towards the seat and sat beside her, slipping my arm gently around her waist instead. I realised that what I wanted to say to her could wait, that at that point in time all I wanted to do was be there for this mysterious creature who had so piqued my curiousity. 

"Come on then - spill it"

We sat together in silence as I waited patiently for her to talk to me. 

EMILY

I couldn't bring myself to confess to him exactly how much I'd been longing to feel a comforting arm, to just pour out my heart and be held. As if reading my thoughts he pulled me closer to him, his fingers tracing soothing circles on my arm. I could feel his breath on my cheek (no alcohol!) and let myself take comfort from the warmth of his body and his now familiar scent. Relaxing slightly, I gave in and told him everything, about my lost hopes, about life after University, and now life after Jamie. I forgot that it was Daniel Ricciardo sitting beside me and that it was only our second meeting. Somehow it was just easier to talk to a complete stranger with no preconceptions, and lets face it , much as I wanted to, the chances of ever seeing him again in person were pretty slim.  He never said a word, he didnt need to - just knowing someone was there was enough. Knowing it was him was even better. 

Finally, physically and emotionally exhausted, I let him guide my head gently onto his shoulder and closed my eyes.