Nineteen

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Cassey

I have so many questions right now, as in so many.



Firstly, why would she say something like that to me, if she hates my very existence.



Second, why would she cry because of me?



Third, why is she sorry now, for all that she did to me, why just now.






Fourth, Is she just playing with my head?









or my heart?







I always that we hated each other to the point that we treated each like nothing.



Nothing.



But just now I have known that I was wrong all along. Is this because I'm still a child? or because I'm just to sad to care.





I feel scared too. Thinking that this happiness we have right now will just suddenly vanish. Will be out of our lives. Like forever.





But......







I'm tired.





I'm tired of pretending to be what I'm not to be. Pretending of being happy, that there is really happiness inside me. But no,there isn't, funny. Cause I always thought to myself that I have but, it's just blank, it's just full of blankness inside me.






God, all my life, all I wish was happiness. To be real happy.







And now that you gave me a reason.






I felt it. The completeness in my life. The feeling of being love by my mother.






I don't want to turn back and slam the door to happiness again. I want to embrace it inside me, now that I have a reason to hold to it tightly and never let it go.




I want to see my Mom.










Like dark room that placed with a light from the window. The blank space is now slowly getting warm and the light from the other side is slowly reaching where I am.





"Cassey can you hear me?"



Yes.



I wanted to answer that but my voice felt so uncomfortable. Like I did not drink any water at all. It hurts.



But, I'm thankful cause that means I'm in the real world now.



Like in what I've seen on the TV shows, the doctor move like that. He's also using a flashlight? in my eyes. Woah, I think that this is so cool. I feel that I want to be like this doctor someday.




I have drunk my water like crazy because of so much dehydration.
And with all the time since I was awake my Mom, never left.





She changed, I must say. But I hope that it is a good change. And that, it will stay this way forever. Though, I'm not a believer with this word forever.
I snapped out of my little discussion in mind when she tighten her hold in my hand, which she held since I was asleep.







I slowly hold her hand back.








This time, I will not hold myself back.








She smiled slightly to me though,her face is still stricken with worry. And she's lack of sleep. There's a dark circle around her eyes and her face is pale. But still, she managed to smile at me.






I can't help myself but to ask her the words I want her to answer. So I'll be enlightened why is she doing all of this cause, I'm sure she has her reasons.








"Why now?"








Then her smile turned into a sad frown. And she looks away from me but she's not letting go of my hand.










"I have my reasons"




"I know"





"I'm so proud of you Cassey. Your astute as always"






"Is it because your a theoretical person?"




Well I wanted her to remember that I'm her daughter so it's not really hard to observed that she's a theoretical type of person. Cause she's always considering what will happen if she did an action. She is always looking forward to the future.





"I guess so"




"So care to tell me those reasons"






For now I am going to forget what she said to me earlier.











And that I already forgave her before she even knew.


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And it's done. I hope that you enjoy this chapter. Thank you so much!

                                                  -lislyn






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