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Episode 5: SeX apPEal

"Your not like other girls, Lora," said Chris. My brothers best friend and my long time crush who always hung around my house. "You don't have any sex appeal, you don't turn me on," He said. "Your face its cute but...your body? Yeah, your not really my type," He added.

I was sixteen.

I was mortified for weeks. It had made it worse cause he was always around my house. I thought he had liked me too so made the stupid decision to confess to him. It ended in heartbreak and Chris acted like it was nothing. It made me feel worthless, I know how stupid it sounds but I was sixteen. I didn't deserve to hear how unattractive I was by the boy I practically idolized and daydreamed about.

It was my own fault for creating a version of him in my head that I had fallen head-over heels for. The whole experience had made me extremely insecure. I knew I wasn't that fat which would have been fine, I was just a little chubby. I wasn't blind, but men are harsh. In my senior year of high school I still had never had a boyfriend, even through college. Even now.

But that's okay. I was convinced that if I lost weight and became confident in my body I would finally be worthy of a relationship. That maybe I'd have some sex appeal. That one day, someone would be attracted to me.

I just never expected that day to be so soon.

And definitely not in this moment. Not with someone as good looking and handsome as Marcus Dane. Definitely not.

But here I was dancing with Ricky trying to ignore Marcus as he carefully watched my body. Man-spreading on the stool with drunken eyes and heavy lids. He seemed so lost in thought but still paying attention. He was enjoying the show. Even Ricky kept looking over at him. "Lora, I think you should have sex with Marcus tonight," Ricky whispered. "Stop saying silly things," I said trying to dismiss him. "If someone looked at me the way Marcus has been looking at you all night I would've already taken them home by now," He said. I looked over at where he was sitting. His eyes seemed to have been waiting for mine because when I turned to look his gaze had already been there. He stayed connected until he broke our eye contact to slowly look up and down my body. With a tick in his jaw he ran his eyes over my frame like he wanted me to see. I shivered He noticed.

"Jesus...." Ricky said. I was blushing hard. This raw animalistic want was a bit intimidating. I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact that it was Marcus Dane who wanted me. I mean, was I sure? Maybe it was all in my head again.

"I need to sit down," I said. Yeah it was all in my head. Nobody was attracted to me like that. "You okay?" Ricky asked concerned with my change in demeanor. "Im fine, just need to sit down," I said.

-

"Are you sure? I mean you usually stay longer than this," Charlotte said. "Yeah, I'm a little light headed. Its best if I go home and lie down," I said. I was bailing on my friends. Bailing on Marcus.

But I couldn't help it. I was so far out of my comfort zone I felt like I was going to shut down. Entertaining useless thoughts of Marcus and I wasn't helping. It was exhausting for me to create these false fantasies in my head just to end up disappointed and heart broken. Between the alcohol and Marcus my senses were getting hazy. My empty stomach didn't help either.

"Ill take her home," He said. My shoulders dropped. Please, I don't think I could handle being alone with him right now. "Good, a young women shouldn't really be alone at night right now," Ricky said smiling. I shook my head, "You really don't have too Marcus, you can stay and hang out if you want. I don't want to cut your night short, plus I have pepper spray," I said. Marcus stood up off the stool. His face was flushed from the alcohol, his polo was unbuttoned and I was suddenly reminded of his sculpted physique. He stood next to me, broad chest and thick arms rippling beneath his shirt. The neatly styled hair cut was now falling apart as a few strands fell onto his face. The brunette color was always so handsome on him. "No, I'll take you home. We live next to each other right? And you really shouldn't be walking alone at night, especially dressed like that," He said. "Let me take you home," He said. His words were hushed. As if they had a double meaning.

I couldn't argue with him. Not when he looked like that. "C'mon," He said grabbing my hand. It took me off guard. I waved Charlotte and Ricky off, leaving them with teasing glances adorning their faces. His long legs stalked across the sticky bar floor and his tanned vainy arm dragged me along behind him. I didn't even have time to process the fact that I was holding his hand. It was big, were his hands always this big? And so soft. Why did I expect them to be callous?

Walking out into the crowded side walk Marcus dragged us up the street closer to where the cabs had been. Many had already been waiting there knowing there would be a lot of drunken clientele. "Need a taxi?" A man in a yellow vehicle had asked. "Uh, yeah. East and third" Marcus said as he leaned down to open the door. Stepping aside he waited for me to get in first, never letting go of my hand. As he situated himself beside me on the taxi seats he shut the door. The driver began pulling off. Marcus scooted closer until the side of my body was firmly pressed against his. "So uh-late night hookup?" The cab driver inquired. "Yeah," Marcus answered.

I felt like I was going to pass out. The cab driver only laughed.

The rest if the ride was silent. As we pulled up to our adjacent buildings Marcus handed the driver some money. He opened the door and pulled me out with him. "C'mon, Ill walk you up," He said. I was doing it again. Complying with everything he said, what was wrong with me? Did I like him that much? Oh fuck, what if he was serious? He was only joking when he said it was a 'hookup' right? He wasn't actually gonna come in was he? Would I be able to say no if he did?

My knees were getting weaker as we entered the elevator. Hands still intertwined. When the bell dinged he stepped off the elevator and walked me towards my door. Pausing in front of it he looked over at me. Was he waiting for me to open it? My keys, fuck where were my keys? I let go of his hand to look through my bag. "Oh hey Lora, Lora's friend..." A voice interrupted. My neighbor, Jack. "Uh hey Jack," I said. I looked over at the man stepping out of his apartment that was next door. His eyes a bit confused. In the time living here he had never seen a man that wasn't Ricky come into my apartment, especially so late at night. Jack was nice. Were were aquatinted. He didn't know me well enough for us to be considered real friends but he knew me well enough to know I'd be the last person to bring someone home. "Well, Im just taking out the trash ignore me," He said closing his door. I looked up to see that Marcus had clearly been growing impatient. His brows were furrowed and his head lowered. His jaw seemed to be ticking as he waited for Jack to finally disappear as he turned the corner headed for the trash shoot.

I finally found my keys, my hands were shaky. Marcus noticed as I tried to out the key in the key hole. "Lora, I'm not coming inside," He said. "But I am gonna kiss you," He said. "Is that okay?" He asked. I nodded.

A hand sliding itself around my waist pulling me closer. And a pair of lips meeting mine. I expected a soft graceful pair of lips to gently sooth my own. Instead I got a hungry mouth passionately kissing me. Engulfed me and prying me open. "Open," He said. My mouth not the door, I knew that so I listened. His tongue swept through like it was trying to make itself home. My back was pressed against the door forced to take with no escape. No where to go, I turned my head to the side. His lips connected to my cheek as he pressed himself onto me. "Marcus!" I squealed. Why did he have to be so aggressive? He smiled against my cheek. His hands were going lower. "Go inside, Lora," He said.

"Go inside and lock the door,"