Unacceptable

Chapter 10

June

After I got out of the tub I got dressed and went straight to my room. I laid down on my bed and stared up at the ceiling.

"Respect yourself."

Theodore's words played over and over in the back of my mind, and the constant feeling of embarrassment weighed down on my chest.

Fuck.

I could still see the look of pure disappointment plastered across his face. I'll probably never be able to look him in the eyes again without thinking about what I did.

Or failed to do.

I was far from little space now and I had absolutely no idea how to get back to that carefree mindset.

Instead I was stuck being this stranger of a girl. The only difference now was that I couldn't get high and smoke all my problems away.

"Junie?" I groaned and rolled over onto my side and watched as Sebastian welcomed himself in. "Junie why aren't you downstairs? It's movie time!" Sebastian smiled widely, clearly in little space.

"No thanks Sebastian I'm not in the mood to watch a movie." I spoke and his eyes widened.

"Are you okay? What the hell happened?" He asked and I nearly gasped at how quick his personality had changed. The Sebastian that was standing in front of me down was far from little space. He'd never curse.

"Seb? How'd you do that?"

"How'd I do what?" He asked in confusion and I sat up on my elbow.

"You went from little space to being... big? But you did it so quickly how the fuck??"

"I can switch really quickly I guess." He shrugged "being in that mindset is a choice for me. I can choose to act my age at any time. I just normally choose not to because well.. that fucking sucks."

We both laughed for a moment and he sighed and laid down next to me.

"I want to go back into little space, but I can't." I explained "It's not a choice for me. It's more like a coping mechanism. Most of the time it's completely involuntary and I have no control over it. "

"Well what got you out of your headspace in the first place?"Sebastian asked and I blushed when the thoughts resurfaced.

"I may or may not have tried to hit on Theodore-"

"JUNE-"

"I didn't know what I was doing okay! It just kinda happened ya know?" I blurted and Sebastian sat up.

"No June. I don't know, because I've never tried hitting on one of my foster parents before." He deadpanned sarcastically.

"Not even Esmerelda and you know how much I like her."

"So what about you saying all the stuff you'd tell her once you turned 18 tommorow." I spoke back defensively and Sebastian let out a short laugh.

"And you really believed all that crap?
That's all talk June .. besides.." Sebastian Laid on his back and stared up at the ceiling and frowned a little.

"Esmerelda doesn't like me like that."

"You don't know that Seb-"

"June?"

"Yes?" Sebastian pulled his eyes away from the ceiling and locked my gaze with his.

"Let's never lie to each other okay?" He stared at me intensely and I nodded not knowing what else to say.