Through My Eyes |PJM Fanfiction|

~58~

"Jimin...you didn't have to come looking for me..."

You look up at your soaking wet boyfriend and back down at the concrete, pain from your hand starting to shoot up your arm and remind you of the piercing pains in your chest.

"I wanted to. Your friend said he was concerned."

"I...Jimin...you need to go home..."

"I came to take you home with me. I can hear the shiver in your voice. You're cold and you shouldn't be out here alone. You don't have to tell me what's wrong but you need a hot shower and rest it's obvious you're in emotional trauma."

"Jimin please I just want to go home."

"Then I will come home with you."

You stand up and feel the rain once again beating against your clothes as you grit your teeth, your chest now swelling with infuriation.

I don't deserve to be happy like this.

I don't deserve someone like Jimin.

Someone too caring.

Someone who is broken too.

He doesn't need all of this.

"No Jimin. I need to be alone. There's no reason for you to waste your time with me."

"Y/N I'm not wasting time on you you're my girlfriend-"

"Jimin I'm going home. I'll lead you back to your place but then I'm going home."

"No. In these moments you can't be-"

"I want to be alone! Can't you get that?! I need to be alone! That's what I deserve and that's where I belong, is at my house!"

"You can't just go there and wallow in your sadness Y/N."

"Stop! You don't...you don't understand!"

"I don't understand? I don't understand? My entire existence is in the dark Y/N. Every single day is nothing but a struggle to me!"

"Exactly the reason you don't need my shit piled on top of it! You struggle enough without dealing with me and my horrific existence!"

"You can't blame yourself for your father's death!"

You look at Jimin in shock as he clutches the umbrella in his hand, his teeth grit in utter frustration.

"S-Stop..."

"Do you think your father would want this Y/N? Do you think he would want you to spend your entire life never having anything just because he died in a car wreck?"

"He died in the car wreck because of me! Because I couldn't be strong like I was that day in college and stand up to those idiots! My father would still be alive if I would have stood up to them! He wouldn't have had such a long drive! My mother would still have a reason to want to fight and be alive if he was still here!"

"Y/N that's ridiculous. You cannot sit around and blame yourself for all of that happening. Your father moved because he loved you, he wanted nothing more than for you to be safe and away from all of those toxic people! It was all in vain if you are doing this to yourself! You won't allow yourself to feel an inch of happiness because of a traumatic even in your life! What if everyone did that? The only thing you'll ever feel is misery if you do this!"

"Don't you get it Jimin?! That's what I deserve! I don't deserve happiness, hell I definitely don't deserve you!"

You both fall silent for a moment until Jimin let's the umbrella down, his grey sweatshirt now getting even more soaked as he tilts his head up.