Caratland [Seventeen FF]

-12-

Jihoon poV:

I thought the whole time about Soonyoung. He didn't do anything wrong. It was just me thinking back to the incident. The incident... That incident, which destroyed my whole life. If it was easy for me I would just spill it all and tell him everything, but of course I can't. I'm just too weak. I just felt so sorry for Soonyoung. He doesn't even see this portal and me idiot introduced him to it. To this bad world covered in flower petals. He doesn't even know why we still work here. Why we really work here...

I was about to stand up and go to the hotel. Besides me, Jisoo, Jeonghan, Chan and Minghao remained. The others left already. Suddenly Hansol and Seungkwan bursted through the plastic into the hotdog shop.
"Guys!", Seungkwan shouted.
"Something big happened!", Hansol continued.
"Yeah, yeah. It's bad", Seungkwan exclaimed, Hansol agreed nodding heavily.
"Calm down, what's wrong?", Jeonghan rolled his eyes.
"That guy,", Hansol started.
"He can see it", Seungkwan ended. Chan gasped dramatically and Jisoo and Minghao stayed quiet. Jeonghan was seemingly shocked too.
"Like we're not sure if he sees it, but he stood there and looked at it so weirdly. Especially when we came. But he then just left", Seungkwan explained.
"So it's not sure if he sees it...", Jisoo thought aloud.
"Yeah but what if?", Hansol asked in the round.
"Then he leaves like the others", Minghao shrugged his shoulders.
"Or he ends up like...", Hansol began, but stopped. All eyes landed on me. I didn't look at them but I could feel their glares staring down on me.
"H-Hey, don't", Seungkwan stuttered whispering to Hansol. I thought back to that incident. My heart pounded fast and my throat got all dry.

I hated it. I hated how they talked about certain people and how they acted in certain ways. I hated it how they all act like this world is normal. I hated how they never cared about my feelings, before and after the incident. I hated how they treat people. How they treat me and how they treat Soonyoung. I hated how that incident changed me. And I hated how it always comes back. The same emotions: The same sadness, the same anger. I hated everything!

"His name is Soonyoung", I just blurted out and left. No one said something as I left.

I ran to the coin stands and sat down. I needed air. I felt the tears rolling down my cheeks. I quickly wiped them away. Again I sat there doing nothing, but cry. Cry like a baby. It was pathetic. I was pathetic. Pathetic for staying here next to people, who don't even like me or treat me like a normal human being. Just like a bird parents to their weakest baby, they abonded me. But did I have a choice? I didn't have any friends nor a normal functioning family. Perhaps that's the reason I sticked to Soonyoung. He's the only one, who seemed to really accept me. Perhaps that's the reason I didn't want him to see that other world. So he doesn't end up like him.

After I somehow managed to calm down a little I stood up again. The only way I could think about something else was work so I took out the box of coins, which were meant for tomorrow, and sorted them out. It was soothing to know that you have control over at least one thing in your life. Even if it's small, I can decide when and how I put the coins in the coloured boxes and that's somewhat consoling.

The moment I finished, it was 1AM, felt relieved. I sighed and put the coloured boxes back to the coin storage.

I walked around the amusement park stopping in front of the ferris wheel. I looked at it in detail. I worked here for over 2 years, but never rode it. A little weird thinking about it.
"You're not asleep yet?", someone suddenly asked me, pulling me out of my thoughts. I turned around to see Seungcheol. He walked over to me with a half grin on his face.
"And you?", I asked back.
"I'm the boss now. Sleep became another gift, which wasn't made for me", he responded, laughing bittersweet. "Weird how time passes... When I see the ferris wheel I always think back to that day where I told you to work here instead", he said and put an arm around my shoulder.  "You were going through ruff times back then", he kept talking.

Seungcheol was one of the only people on that island, who I spoke to. He really did help me back then. I still think that I didn't fully repaid him for that, even though he claims I did.

We were walking around the amusement park. He kept talking about random things even if he seemed so tired. He also yawned pretty often. But I didn't want to stop him. Night time was the only time he could fully be himself without that stress of being the boss.

"You know what, Jihoon?", he asked me. We were passing the roller coasters and stopped in front of the biggest one. "We should spent a weekend off that stupid island", he suggested all of the sudden. I looked at him curiously. "I know what you're thinking. I will just skip the work for 2 days and let my brother do it. I'm just 23 years old! I barely lived my youth and the last thing I wanna do is to waste my whole twenties on this island", he argumented. I nodded, agreeing with what he said. "But be honest Jihoon: Why are you still working here? It seems like you barely talk to the others and you never visit the other side of the world. Also you're not forced staying here and you have enough money to make a living in normal city conditions. What keeps you here?", he questioned. I thought. He was right. Here was no reason for me to stay. Why don't I just leave. Why do I keep working here?

"Oh, forgot that new dude. You're staying because of him, right?", he suddenly grinned.
"What? No, you crazy moron!", I exclaimed and boxed him on the shoulder.
"Alone your reaction says everything!", he laughed. Then I felt guilty again. I guess Seungcheol noticed it as he also stopped laughing.
"Am I a bad person?", I asked frustrated.
"You're not. You're just a little stubborn for not coming out of your comfort zone", he responded and flicked my forehead.
"Hey!", I complained, rubbing the point on my head.

But actually I wasn't stubborn. I just couldn't dare myself to talk to people I once showed my bad sides.