Exchange// Billie Eilish

Chapter 52

A/N  PSA; get the tissues ready

Ellie's POV

Where am I? I'm in a bed but it's way too warm and comfortable to be mine. Ever since I moved out of Billie's, sleeping hasn't been the same.

I just can't. And I also won't since every time I close my eyes, my mind haunts me with the same night terror. So sleep is just a big no.

Unless I've drunk myself to sleep though. Then everything is just... numb and void.

Groaning from my hangover I rolled over, not yet noticing the body next to me.

"Jesus Christ!" I yelled in fright to see Billie next me with her arms wrapped around my stomach securely.

When did she get here?

My scream of fright barely woke her. But she did let out a low groan and tightened her hold on me.

"A few m-more min..." she mumbled cutely.

Falling back into the rhythm of waking with her by my side, I couldn't help but stare at her in awe.

It's not that I've forgotten how stunning she is. I could never, her face is eternally engrained in my brain.

But it's been a hot minute since I've been face to face with Billie. But that's my fault, and solely mine.

I didn't even notice my hand caressing her cheek and running through her hair until she cracked her eyes open and gave me a smile that made my heart flutter.

It almost made me laugh a little from how long it's been since I've felt that.

"Morning beautiful" she greeted with a low morning voice and grabbed the hand on her cheek and lifted it to place a kiss on my palm making me blush.

Shaking my head so my hair covered my blush, I looked down into my lap to hide the smile tugging at my lips with a Billie fuelled strength.

"Can we talk about last night please?" she asked softly. Asking the question I've been dreading.

"There's nothing to talk about" I told her quickly, retracting my hand from her warm hold.

If I let Billie worry about me, it'll make it so much harder to leave. I've made the decision to move back home.

I can't stay here any longer. I've overstayed my welcome, America isn't home. And I don't even know if Australia is anymore either.

I need to leave and find home.

"You can't possibly believe that E" Billie shook her head, sitting up "Gia had to call me to come over and calm you down, that's not healthy baby. You need to talk to someone and let them know what's been going on lately... you're withering away in front of me Eleanor" she looked up at me, unshed tears in her beautiful orbs "and I'm scared"

Ripping my eyes away from Billie's intense gaze I looked at my hands. She's right, I know she is. But I have to cut all ties with her if I want to leave without a broken heart.

And connections have to be broken so I can leave without anything holding me back.

It has to be done.

"I'm fine—"

"You're not fine!" she yelled angrily, tears of frustration cascading down "stop! Stop saying you're fine when you're not! Eleanor, I know I've fucked up and been so, so selfish. But I love you! And you purposely hurting yourself and letting yourself hurt is selfish too! Why can't you see that?"