SAVE ME

Ch.21

"One more push one more big push." The doctor instructed me I was so out of it. It hurts like hell and I had no one to support me in here I had no one by by side of course.
"I can't." I whined I was crying I laid back on the bed out of breath I was getting frustrated.
"You got this one more push. Okay? 1,2,3." He counted waited for me to push.
"Ahhhhhhhhhh" I fell back on the bed exhausted but then I popped up because I didn't hear my baby crying.
"Why isn't my baby crying?" I look over and my baby wasn't moving or anything.
"What's wrong with my baby please someone tell me." I cried out. I seen them wrapping the baby up but nothing still no movement no cry no nothing. The nurse brings him over to me with a sympathetic look I start crying immediately. She hands me the baby I held him so tight. He looked so peaceful and perfect he was the perfect mixture of me and Elijah but he mostly looked like Elijah he just had my jet black hair and eyes.
I cried and cried while my tears fell down on him he was so perfect my little baby. I was so hurt so hurt that this happened to me once again.
"Can my fiancé comes in here?" I asked one of the nurses so they can go get him. After they cleaned me up and stuff they went to get Elijah. I wanted Elijah to know what he did I wanted him to feel all my pain that he caused me. Once again he took something so precious from me once again he took my happiness from me. Once again I'm left with nothing because of him. Once again my heart is broken and shattered into pieces. I could never forgive him for this I would never be able to love him again after this. A knock on the door knocked me out my thoughts.
"Nyla." I hear Elijah say I didn't even look up I just kept staring at my baby boy that I was holding. I heard him close the door and walk over to me.
"Is he sleeping already?" I laughed a little but nothing was funny I was trying not to go insane in here.
"No he dead I gave birth to a dead baby boy that I waited all this time to meet." I looked up finally and his face held sadness. I shook my head he acted like he was hurt.
"Can I hold him?" He asked I nodded and handed him the baby. I still didn't name him I just couldn't I couldn't even wrap me head around the fact I just had a still born.
"I'm sorry Nyla I am." I heard Elijah say before he started crying. I never seen Elijah cry at all this was new. I felt kind of bad but hell he put me through so much he needed this pain and suffering I just wish it didn't have to be my baby.
"Sorry won't fix this nothing will. This pain will never go away I will be scarred for my whole life."
"I'm so sorry little man I love you." He continue to cry while holding the baby he was actually making me cry with how hard he was crying. After about five minutes he got up and handed me the baby back I put him in the little bed they had for him. He kissed me on my forehead before about to leave the room.
"What do you want to name him Elijah?" He stood by the door quiet like he didn't have an answer.
"I don't know you can name him I'll be back later I need a minute." I knew he was getting angry because he doesn't know how to express his feelings. He left the room leaving me all by myself to deal with this. I actually didn't have a name in mind I couldn't even think straight all I could do was cry. I turned to the side and held his little finger and cried myself to sleep.
*****
I heard the door open I just laid there with my back turned I thought maybe it was one of the nurses or doctor that came to check on me. But I heard someone sit in the chair.
"I don't know if your sleep or not or if you can hear me." I wasn't sleep but Elijah didn't need to know that I wanted to know what he had to say.
"I'm sorry Nyla and I know you probably tired of me saying sorry but I'm honestly am. I'm sorry for everything I put you through. I couldn't see how much I hurt you I couldn't see the pain I inflicted on you. But trust me now I feel it. I'm sorry I was the reason neither one of our babies are here. I was so caught up controlling and hurting you I never knew I was slowly pushing you away. And after everything
You still stayed by my side. I honestly don't know how you did it but you never gave up on me. I guess you can say love which I was truly blessed with you. I didn't know what I had in my life this whole time. I hate myself for this I swear I do. I came to the conclusion that all the
Love I have for I have to let you go. I have to because all I'm doing is hurting you. I thought I was showing you that I love you but I wasn't I just hurting you more and more. And I truly do love you with everything I swear I do. I probably love you too much that it's just unhealthy now. I'm sorry for making your life miserable I'm sorry for taking everyone away from you. I'm sorry for cheating on you I'm sorry for hitting you I'm sorry calling you out your name I'm sorry for tuning your life into hell. Nothing will fix what I already put you through but I swear I'll leave you alone so you can find happiness. You deserve so much more than me you deserve to be happy and loved. I wish I could of gave that to you but I couldn't. I know losing this baby hurt I swear I never felt pain like this but don't let this break you. Please move on I don't want you sad your whole life and then you might push away the person who could love you. If you need me or if you need anything call me but I promise I'll leave you alone I won't ever bother you again. I love you Nyla." He came over to kiss the baby and then he kissed me on my cheek then he left.

I heard everything he said and I feel like he truly meant everything. I'm glad he finally understand that letting me go was the best thing I swear it was.

Three days later
Elijah didn't even come ceremony that we had for Isiah. It was just me I didn't invite anyone or nothing. I did buy a phone and text King to let him know I was okay and that we should have lunch so I could tell him everything that happened. I don't want any drama between him and Elijah but I know that's out of my control. I got Isiah cremated so me and Elijah can have him buy us everyday I even got King a chain with Isiah ashes in it because King was by my side every single day while I was pregnant. I was driving to me and Elijah old house to drop his ashes of Isiah off.

I made it to the house I sat in the car for a while thinking about all the memories we had in there. Their was actually some good memories and of course it was bad ones. But overall the good ones made me smile. I see his cars in the drive way so I know he home. I finally get out the car and make my way to the door. I knocked and patiently waited till someone answered.
"Who is it?" I heard Tina say through the door I rolled my eyes I knew she would be here and honestly someone needed to be here for Elijah.
"It's Nyla." I knew it was a chance Tina would be here but I didn't care I just came to drop his son ashes off. She opened the door we stood face to face.
"Is Elijah home I have something for him." I look down at her stomach it look like she was almost due.
"I'll go get him for you. You can come in." I was surprised she let me in. "Nyla I'm so sorry for your lost and I'm sorry for being a bad friend I'm sorry for hurting you." I smiled I still want nothing to do with her but that was a nice apology I guess.
"Thanks for the apology." She went upstairs to get Elijah I guess I waited by the door. He came down a couple minutes later. He looked stressed out like he haven't slept in days he look bad actually.
"Hey."
"Wassup Nyla." His eyes were red like he was crying or maybe he was smoking.
"I Uh tried to call you to let you know when the ceremony was but I couldn't get in contact with you."
"Sorry I didn't want to be bothered." I nodded my head.
"Here is some of Isiah ashes I split them between us."
"Thank you." He gave me a hug I didn't hug him back first but eventually I did.
"I heard you I heard everything you said and thank you thank you for letting me go it's better like this." I let go from him.
"I'm leaving here it's better if I start over some where else. Be there for her especially for the baby they need you especially your daughter." I smiled then left it felt good leaving I know my child's in heaven. And now I know it's time for me to move on with life and not dwell on things I can't change.

It's just one thing I have to do.
And that's talk to King.
But I don't think I can.
I just want to leave.
And start a new life.
Hopefully he understands.

*Hope y'all like it. I won't update again until the last 3 chapters hit 1K reads.