This is just a small story about my life when I'm in school. This was originally made for my friend who's home schooled but anyone can read it I won't mind.
Edit: so i was going to continue this series as what goes on in school but my life started...
so recently i've been feeling like really suicidal and i know i should seek help. but usually when i feel this way it ends up going away within a month or two depending on how bad my depression is. sometimes it takes days, weeks, or sometimes it's months but i feel like it won't stick that long. i wrote an entire thing in my notes about how i'm feeling but i don't really think it's helping and i don't want to vent to people about it in case they get the wrong idea or something. i've just been feeling super worthless and that everyone would be better off if i were gone like either dead or just away meaning like completely off the grid or whatever if that makes sense. my boyfriend just got his licence and it bothers me because lately he's been out all the time and doesn't try to talk to me. i don't mind if he's out i just wish he would tell me before he goes out so i'm not worried when he doesn't text me back. i told him how i felt about it and he didn't really say much. actually i don't remember what he said at all tbh. we hung out today around like 11 ish and we went to the park but it was too cold and the weather was shitty so we went back to his place for a bit after a little while i told him i had to go check on my brother and his friend back at home so we could leave bc we weren't doing anything. when we came back to my house we sat around for a bit then took my brother and his friend to the park bc we wanted to get them out of the house. when we brought my brother and his friend back to my house then sat around again for like 15 minutes then he left. it was around 2:30 when he left and he said he would try to come back later if he was able to but he never mentioned anything about it since he left. i don't know if he just doesn't feel the same about me anymore or if he just didn't wanna be around me at the time but it's bothering me a lot and i keep over thinking it. i've been so emotional over everything lately. i have to keep myself from bawling. anyways i'm gonna end this here for now if i find anything else to talk about i'll come back.
so i just got faded. it's currently 8:32. earlier i was driving my mom home from the store and she made a deal with me. so before i tell you the deal i gotta explain something to you. so i was never really the type to care about school i've always failed my classes and eventually i ended up in summer school twice lmao. i get like super depressed in the middle of the school year and just stop caring all together. so my mom told me that if i pass all my classes with 80s and above she will buy me my first car. idk how to explain this but like we're not poor but we don't really have much money to spend. if that makes sense. so it would be a used car from a dealership but i'm still happy i'm actually gonna be able to pick out my first car 😁😁. anyways i was texting my bf and i was trying to start a convo and all i got were short replies. for the last month he hasn't been trying so it's really starting to bother me. this is how it went.
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like he could've came up with something stupid to say back to it but no all he says is lol. and i've told him that it's bothering me before and he never fucking changed. ughhhh it's bothering me so fucking bad. if anyone actually reads these please send advice idk what to do anymore :(
anyways i'm gonna end this here now i'm gonna go to bed. gn i'll talk to you eventually lmao.
