The One I Need; Namtaemin(sequel to The One I Want)

Selfish/Selfless

Namjoon

    I stare at Jimin from across my desk as he shifts from foot to foot anxiously. Biting his plump lips, he runs a hand through his hair.
     Seriously? Are you trying to temp me back into the bad guy? Jeeze. I can only hold back so much.
     Sighing, I shake my head. "What are you trying to ask me, Jimin? You've been standing there and pacing for the last ten minutes. I'll give you anything you ask. I think we both know that."
     He finally stops fidgeting and nods, taking a deep breath. "I need you to do me a huge favor."
     "Ask me." I sit back in my seat and ponder what he could possibly want from me except help with Ryujin.
     "I need you to come to my family's home with me and pretend to be my mate. I'm going to let Jin and Jungkook keep Ryujin."
     My brow furrows. "Your family's home? Where are they from again?"
     "Busan. There's some important business that I have to take care of there but...it's a bit complicated."
     "As far as I'm aware—you don't have anything to do with your real family, right? You've spent years with Jungkook and his family, correct?"
      He nods. "I was disowned and thrown out of my family years ago. They are now pressuring me to go back for my appa's funeral. I don't want to but they won't leave it alone. If I go back just this once maybe I can move on."
     Nodding slowly, I watch him. "Why do you need a pretend mate? I mean—I'll do it. You know I will. Why not ask that boyfriend of yours, though?"
     He flinches. "I don't want him anywhere near my family. You...you come from a good powerful and wealthy alpha family. The Kim's are well known. It would...really make things easier for me. I know I don't have the right to ask but—"
      "Nonsense. We share a child. We were mated. It's only right you ask me for help. When do we need to leave? Will Ryujin be well taken care of?"
      He lets out a relieved sigh. "She will be. I trust Jin and Jungkook with everything. We need to leave by tomorrow night and come back in a couple days."
      "Okay. I'll make sure Taehyung can take over for me here and be ready by then." I pause, hesitant to speak more. "Thank you, Jimin. Thank you for coming to me when you need help. I know that our past hasn't been the best but I truly care for you—I always have—even when I showed it in the wrong way. It means a lot you feel you can trust me with this."   
     He blushes, looking surprised and overly cute. "W-well...I t-think you've proven yourself a trustworthy friend. Thank you for allowing me to come seek your help. You never even ask for anything in return."
     I stand up and round the desk, stopping right in front of him and touching his head. "Jimin, I won't ask you for anything in return. I took a lot away from you. It's only fair and right I help you in repayment for my selfishness and greed."   
     He looks away, flustered. "It's okay. I'm not holding a grudge anymore."
     "I know but I wouldn't blame you if you did. Never hesitate to ask me for anything and never worry about accumulating a debt. I'll freely give you anything you want from me."
     He looks at me strangely for a long moment. "Namjoon...it's okay to be selfish sometimes. I don't want to freely take from you. You shouldn't think like that. You're worth more than that."  
     "That's ironic coming from you."
     His lips twitch. "Maybe but I still believe it's true. You deserve happiness, too."
     "I lost the right to happiness, Jimin." I shake my head, tired of the dark conversation. "You go ahead. I have things to prepare before we leave."
     Smiling, he leaves the office and I slump back down in my chair. How did it ever come to Jimin having sympathy for me? That's hilarious, really. I'm a joke, right? That's probably what he sees me as. A fucking joke.

     "You lived here? I didn't realize the Park family was so...so..."
      Jimin snorts beside me. Both of us stare up at the huge gate securing the large mansion deep in the countryside of Busan.
     He sneers at it. "The Park family are a bunch of pompous assholes. Only caring about social position and appearances as well as money. At least your family cares about their own people and not material things."
      I frown, reaching over and squeezing his hand without thinking about it. I blink, realizing what I've done. I begin to pull away but he stops me by squeezing back. "I'm here for you. Anything you need."
     He swallows hard, nawing on his bottom lip. "I know. Thanks, really. This place just makes me...lose my mind, honestly. I hate them so much."
     I hesitate to ask but I do anyway. "What did they disown you for, Jimin? So young..."
     He flinches, closing his eyes and seeming to fight some internal battle. "I don't want to talk about it. I'll tell you...when I'm ready."
     I nod. "Alright. I won't push." I drive us through the large gate and park. I'm used to huge mansions and wealth but this place is just...cold. I thought Taehyung and I grew up secluded and alone but seeing this...I was wrong.
     We walk slowly towards the door only for it to open before we reach the porch and an older woman step out. Her eyes are shrewd and not once ounce of warmth can be seen. Her small thin body covered by the most expensive of designers.
     She blinks at Jimin as if she can't even recognize her own son before trailing her gaze in my direction. I straighten my stance and stare back dominantly.
     Her smile is amused and calculating. "Welcome to our home. Jimin neglected to mention his lovely high standing mate to us nor invite us to the mating."
     I glare at her as Jimin seems to shrink into my side. I wrap my arm around him and confidently hold my ground. "I don't see why he would in the first place. You aren't truly family, correct?"
     Her eyes narrow but she holds her temper. Her gaze falling back on her nervous son. I hate it. Hate her. Hate everyone here that's made Jimin feel this way. God, no wonder he's so closed off.
     "Jimin, your old room has been prepared for you. Of course all of your left behind things were discarded." She wrinkles her nose in disgust. "But it should suffice."
     I want to rip her throat out but Jimin stops me by holding on to me tightly. I proudly stand as his support, not even needing to pretend to be his protective mate. This is all real to me.
     The old hag leads us upstairs to a plain room with pale green walls and matching bedsheets before declaring dinner in an hour and the Will reading after.  
     Jimin finally lets me go and collapses face first on the bed. I don't know how to make it better.
    "This place is no joke."
     He flops over onto his back and groans. "She's being nice because you are here. Growing up, she could be truly vicious."
     "I'm really sorry you grew up like that."
     "Not your fault."
     "You said you have a sister?"
     "Yeah. Johanna. I'm sure you'll meet her at dinner. She takes after Eomma so just be forewarned."
     "They don't scare me Jimin and I won't let them harm you. We'll do what you need to do here and leave as fast as possible. After that you can put all this behind you."
     He smiles. "Thanks for being here for me."
    I open my mouth to say something but I'm interrupted by his phone ringing. His eyes dim a little and he hesitates, glancing at me.
     "Your boyfriend?"
     He nods. "Do you mind..."
    "I'll step out and give you a moment." I refuse to acknowledge the twinge in my chest as he nods, waving me off and answering his phone. Ouch. Painful but more than expected.
     I waste time walking around the huge cold mansion until around dinner time then head back to get Jimin.
    He's off the phone and already ready, waiting for me. He's changed into a nice suit and tie. Overly formal for a supposed family dinner.
     I feel the need to change as well—glad I brought along a fancy suit just in case. We walk down to see his mother and another young woman sitting at the table, talking quietly.
     Both go silent as we enter.
    The girl—his sister—Johanna looks at me with wide startled eyes before they narrow in calculation. God, he wasn't kidding about them being just alike. It makes me shudder.
     We sit down and I make sure to sit very close to Jimin for support. His sister smiles beguilingly at me. "You must be Kim Namjoon, yes? You own all the company shares to the Kim Enterprises now, right?"
     I stare at her stonily. "I hold equal shares with my brother, Taehyung. My father retired two years ago and I take over most of the responsibilities, yes."
     She nods, licking her lips. "Looks like our little Jiminie finally did something right for the family."    
     He flinches beside me but otherwise gives no emotion.
    I want to snap but reign it in. "I'm sorry but I fail understand how Jimin and my's relationship has anything to do with the worthless family that abandoned him. I have absolutely no plans on extending a hand to help the Parks. I'm simply here to support my mate through the loss of his father."
      From the corner of my eye I see Jimin hide a smile. Both woman look appalled and enraged by my blunt honesty and lack of tact. I could care less what the fuck they think of me.
     His sister slams her hand on the table. "As Jimin's mate—it's your responsibility to care for his ailing mother and penniless sister! Without father, we have nothing here. We stand to lose everything because of his debt! You can't just ignore us!"
      Jimin snaps. "That's why I'm here?! You just guilted and tricked me here to use me yet again through my mate! You are disgusting."
     "Don't talk to me like that!" She snaps back.
     "Enough." His mother finally speaks. Her cruel cold gaze lingers on me before going to her son. "Jimin, I apologize for how we allowed your father to treat you. Our family as been suffering many hardships since before you left. We took out our frustrations and humiliations on you."
     I watch him closely as he listens. His eyes are watery and hands clenched. "What does that change now? I can't help you. I'm not even part of this family anymore. I won't let my mate be used by this family, either." He stands up and I follow suit. "I'm sorry but I think after appa's Will, we will be leaving and going back."   
     He tugs my hand and we leave the silent dinning room, dinner long forgotten. His small legs race as fast as he can to the room before he falls apart.
     I pull him into my arms as he begins to sob loudly, twisting his fists in my shirt and clinging to me, face pressed into my chest as his tears soak my shirt.
     "Shh, it's okay. I'm here for you, okay. I'm here." 
     He cries. "W-why does everyone want to use me so much? Why..."
     I haul him over to the bed and pull him into my lap, cupping his face and forcing him to look at me. "You don't deserve that. Don't listen to them, okay? Things are different now. You're so brave, baby. So so brave. Don't listen to them." The words slip out before I can think them through.
      Sniffling, he clings to me. "Why am I never good enough just being me? Why c-can't they love me..."
     I press my lips to his temple and rock him as he cries his heart out. I try to find words of comfort and reassurance but there's not much else I can do.
     He settles down after awhile, silently and tiredly staring blankly ahead as I hold him tightly to my chest.
     "Are you okay now?"
     He nods. "S-sorry." His words aren't gruff and scratchy from tears.
     I rub his back. "Don't apologize. You have every right to be upset."    
     It seems to hit him that he's still sitting on my lap so he awkwardly slides off to the bed. "I really...hate them."
     "You can hate them."
     "I really...want to hate you." He admits in a whisper.
     "You can hate me, too."
    He sniffles again, wiping his eyes. "I'm just a burden."
    "You're not a burden. You're special and deserving of love."
     He finally looks up into my eyes, searching. Vulnerability clear in every inch of his shivering body. "D-do you still...love me?"
     I pause, surprised. Should I be honest? Would that ruin our newfound truce?
     He stares at me expectantly.
     "...yes. I do still love you, Jimin. I never wanted to use you. I just wanted to love you and make you mine."
     He chews on his bottom lip, thinking.
     Shit. Was that a mistake?
     "Please..." He clears his throat, shakily wrapping his arms around himself. "Please...keep loving me. I know I'm a horrible person for asking b-but...I want you to love me, to want me, but not use me or ask for anything in return."
     My heart breaks for the small beta. I reach for his hand. "I will. I will love you unconstitutionally and without reserve even if...even if you can never return it."
     His head falls on my shoulder as exhaustion and stress gets to him. He yawns making me smile. I kiss his cheek.
    "Go to sleep. I'll sleep on the floor." I make to get up but he stops me.
    "We can share the bed. I trust you."
    "Are you sure?"
    Nodding, he gets comfortable under the sheets and motions for me to join him. Shaking my head, I quickly undress down to my shirt and boxers and climb in beside him.
     He crawls into my arms and rests his head on my chest. His breathing quickly evening out.
     I hold him tightly in my arms. This could have been us. If I had only done things properly...maybe I could have this every night. Have him.
     I don't care how selfish he thinks he's being. He wants me in his life. Wants me to keep loving him. That means the fucking world to me. I'll do anything to take away his tears and only see his smile.
     Even if it tears me to shreds and sends me spiraling down to hell. Jimin is it for me. It was love at first sight. I've tried to move on. Here and now...all my efforts were for nothing. No one and nothing will change my feelings for Park Jimin.
     I will proudly be selfless to indulge in his selfishness. I welcome it.