Stark And The Spider

I Don't Mind The Dark

A/N: So...
My hiatus lasted a lot longer than it was ever supposed to. The last time I updated was what, January 11th? So it's been about two and a half months. I think that might be the longest I've gone without updating. I'm really sorry about that. I don't really have a proper excuse. There's just been a lot going on and I guess my mental health wasn't at top notch, but I never meant to leave you all waiting for so long, so I sincerely apologize. Also, writer's block freaking sucks. Anyway, I ended up splitting the chapter into two parts, this being the first one. I did this for a number of reasons. One, the only reason I wanted to do them together was so that my chapters would start being longer and I would get deeper into the plot faster, but this one is long enough to stand on its own, at about 4000 words. Two, the two parts both have completely different topics, characters, settings, and mini 'plots', and they were really meant to be separate chapters since they really only have a small bridge between them, if that makes sense. Splitting the chapter up (or what was planned to be the chapter) gives me more time and room to focus on each section, and it lets me get something up sometime this year.
Also, there is a minor trigger warning for panic attacks in this chapter. Nothing too major, but since we are at a pretty dark time in (Y/n)'s life, you can expect quite a few more panic attacks and depressing moments, just to give you all a heads up now. I've done a chapter with a panic attack before, but that one didn't have a trigger warning in it, so I'm sorry about that. I'll try to be more careful with including them from now on.
There is a lot of symbolism in this chapter, which you all will probably pick up on (and potentially some foreshadowing ;-)). Overall, I'm actually pretty satisfied with how this turned out. Hopefully you all will like it as much (hopefully even more) than I do!
(You don't have to turn the page black for this part...but I think it might better fit the theme of the chapter if you know what I mean. There's also a certain part near the end where you would switch it back from black, but I think it's kind of clear where that is, and I don't feel like labelling it so...)
Anyways, sorry for the rant. I'm forever grateful that you all waited this long for me. It really means a lot, thank you. Now, for the moment you have been waiting for (for a long time), the next chapter!

The thought of going to school used to make me excited. Getting to see my friends, getting to actually be out in the world instead of being cooped up inside.

But now it just makes me feel depressed and anxious.

I woke up early (who am I kidding, I never fell asleep) so I have time to go get breakfast before getting ready. I walk into the kitchen, still wearing my pyjamas, still sleep-deprived, and I plop down on a stool.

"Christmas break should be longer," I complain, mumbling under my breath.

The kitchen was still dark, as I was too lazy to turn the lights on when I walked in, and my eyes are still adjusting. But...it's peaceful. No noises, no people, no worried glances and sympathetic smiles. Just me.

And food.

My stomach growls so I force myself to get up and grab something to eat. The only sound in the room is my footsteps as I cross the kitchen. I feel in front of me, making sure that I'm not about to walk into the corner of the counter or something equally as painful.

I open the fridge and squint as its light shines in my eyes. It's the only current source of light in the room, and it's bright. I look around for a bit, but not seeing anything that I like, I close the fridge door. The room goes dark again.

But that's where I find comfort.

In the dark.

I used to be comfortable in the spotlight. I wanted people to see me. I wanted my dad to see me. To be proud of me.