When the Camellia blooms

Camellia Blooms - SIX

Disappointment

You know the feeling of not being enough? That every words and actions you carry were seen as a disgrace?

Will I ever be enough for her?

For anyone?

I always felt inadequate.

The feeling of someone belittling you with their eyes, I felt it.

I experienced a lot of disappointment in my life that I even feel disappointed at myself.

I sometimes wish I could just sleep it all in and just was away everything. That every pain, every pity and sorrow could just fade into my memory.

Oh, how I wish of that.

How I wish...

...

Their faces were mixed between anger and embarrassment and I couldn't blame them. They need to be told off, or else they will just come here over and over again to make trouble.

"You- how did your mother teach you to become-"

"Aunt, your daughter is pregnant, don't endorse her with my friend"

Her face paled and whispers could be heard in the living room. She point her fingers to me and started to curse like the vulgar woman she is.

"Get out now, or I'll call the police"

My relatives value their faces more so they left but not before cursing me. I just stood still with a hard face and apologized to Yuu.

"I'm sorry for letting you see that"

"It's fine, not all family's are the same" I smiled at his comforting words.

I was about to head inside dad's office when my mother opened the door and slapped me, hard. It cause my lips to bleed and I could only silently bear the pain.

I could see Yuu beside me, his hands were outstretched as his eyes were filled with concern.

"Ma, what is it?" I look at my mother calmly.

"Do you think what you just did save us from trouble? You just made our family a disgrace! How could you even do that?! Have you had no shame?!"

"Mom! I'm just doing what should have been done in the past! They're greedy! They didn't even visit pa when he's in the hospital!" I retorted to her as she glared at me coldly.

"Do you realize how much trouble it will be for us?! You future will be ruined just because of your recklessness!"

Father seemed to heard the commotion and gasp at my bleeding lips. I shook my head to him and just leave with the Yuu in tow.

I don't want to stay here or else the fight will only stressed dad.

"How can you be such a disappointment"

Her words cut my breath away. It was like I was poured with cold water, my chest ache and tears suddenly left my eyes.

Biting my lip, I shut my eyes tightly and closed the door.

That's right, why am I such a disappointment to her?

Why?

***
Hi! A bit emotional ain't it right? Well don't worry, it'll get better.

I hope.

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