Head Down

◤forty two◢

"Okay tell me honestly," Mark sighs, fingers stopping their ministrations in Donghyuck's hair. The latter doesn't like that, and he puts Mark's hands back in his hair. "Oh sorry. But, tell me honestly."

"What is it?"

"Are Jaemin and Jeno toxic?"

Donghyuck pauses, not moving for a while before he shrugs.

"I dunno," he mumbles honestly. "Define... Toxic."

"Like," Mark starts, trying to find the right words. "They bring out the worst in each other."

Donghyuck still remains unmoving, letting his thoughts float around before he gives Mark a genuine answer. He ends up fiddling with the older boy's fingers in the meantime.

"Jaemin brings out the best in Jeno," Donghyuck starts off slowly, choosing his words carefully. He knows that despite Jeno helping him with Donghyuck, Mark isn't the most fond of him, especially because of the whole Jaemin situation. He doesn't want to step on his toes by saying something triggering. "And Jeno makes Jaemin so happy. I don't think that's toxic?" He questions. He keeps playing with Mark's fingers. "I also... Um, I don't know, I don't understand toxic? Like, you have a relationship with someone for a reason, right? How can it be bad if both people are still in the relationship?"

Mark knows where this is going.

He takes the hand which Donghyuck isn't playing with, and uses it to play with the younger's hair again.

"Y'know, sunshine, that not everyone in a relationship understands that it's bad. Sometimes, even if that person makes you happy, they could be doing a lot of other things that aren't good for you here—" Mark taps his head. "—Or here." Mark taps right over his heart. "So we call it toxic. You may make someone happy, but that doesn't always mean that you're good for them. There are a lot of factors to take into consideration."

It's silent for a minutes or so before Donghyuck speaks up again.

"Is it like... Dad and Papa?" He whispers, as if asking the question out loud scares him.

After the question escapes Donghyuck's lips, Mark can feel him hold onto his hand tighter, as if he wasn't ready to hear the answer.

And Mark wasn't the person to give him the answer either.

"Hyuckie, you know I can't tell you anything. Your dads are very important to you, they're precious to you. And you know them better than I do, baby. All I can say is that you and I both know that when they were together, they made each other very, very happy." He explains, trying his best to not be biased.

Donghyuck hums in acknowledgement to Mark's answer, and if Mark listens close enough, he can hear the waver in the younger's voice.

"Papa used to make Dad's favourite every Saturday," Donghyuck says quietly, never letting go of Mark's hands. "And I remember at least twice a month they'd go on a date night. Where they'd always come back glowing." He continues. "And Dad— Dad used to bring Papa a bouquet of pompom flowers every week."

Donghyuck's breath picks up.

"They were so in love," Donghyuck whispers, squinting his eyes shut when he feels the familiar sting. He doesn't want to do this, he's cried so much in front of Mark already. The latter probably thinks he's a sack of saline at this point. But he can't help it this time, not when he's hit with the sudden flood of memories: memories from when he was a child, from when his dads were together... From when he was happy.

"I m-miss my family."

He's crying silently, Mark notes, if the way his shoulders shake is anything to go by. Donghyuck always tends to make himself smaller whenever he's upset, which is exactly what he's doing right now, despite being in Mark's arms.

His heart aches for Donghyuck in moments like these.

Moments where he knows he can't do anything to make the pain go away. When Donghyuck is feeling insecure, he can write him a poem to remind him how beautiful he is. When Donghyuck is feeling down, he can tell him a stupidly lame joke which puts a smile on his face. When Donghyuck is angry about something, he can give him a shoulder massage to help him calm down. But this, when Donghyuck is missing his family... Mark can't do anything.

And that's what hurts the most. Knowing that you're powerless, stuck watching as your love cries themselves into deeper sadness.

"I know you do," Mark ends up muttering a while later, once Donghyuck has seemed to calm down a bit. He let the younger get it out of his system. His hand never stopped twirling Donghyuck's hair. "But why don't we look at it like this: Maybe it's for the better. For them, maybe they realized that they weren't meant for each other. Of course, their decision didn't have your best interest at heart, but humans are selfish, Hyuckie." He explains softly, trying to ease the sting this conversation brings.

"They were so in love," Donghyuck ends up repeating. "How he looked at Taeil— Hyung, he doesn't look at her like that, he really doesn't." The younger insists. "Dad loves Papa."

Mark won't argue with Donghyuck, won't frustrate the younger more than he already is. But he'll hold him and listen to his thoughts, all while keeping his own in his head,

Not only had Youngho become bad for Taeil, to a certain extent, he's bad for Donghyuck too.