My life

2/3/20

so on january 31st my boyfriend broke up with me. he said we rushed into it, all we ever did was fight and have sex, we didn't do anything together, we barely talked, and he lost feelings. i know nobody reads these anymore but it's nice to vent about it somewhere. he said we might be able to make it work later on but not rn. it's bothering me a lot bc i really care about him. and idk what to do. all weekend i couldn't stop crying. i went through 3 grams of weed in two days. that's not a good thing. it's the only thing that makes me happy at this point. i wanna try to make things work with my ex bc i really fucking care about him. friday this one kid saw me crying in the hall and he asked if i was okay and i said yeah so my friend that was with me told him to go away. so he left me alone. then later that day someone gave him the username to my spam account on insta and he texted me. it was fine at first but then he told me he liked me and it pissed me off bc i don't want anyone else but my ex. so i told him i didn't feel that way and started ignoring him and he keeps texting me. i told him specifically that i don't wanna talk to him and he still continues to text me. so i blocked him. i'm super mad about it bc i just met him and i am not over my ex and he knew that. friday night i texted my ex and told him i'm sorry for everything i did just bc i was like super sad so i felt like i should apologise for the shit i've done. it made me feel a lot better about myself. i hung out with a guy friend all weekend. he helped me keep calm while i was going through everything and it felt really nice. i'm not sure if it's just bc i just got outa a relationship and just desperate or what but i think i'm starting to have feelings for him.

it's currently february 7th my life is going great. well not great but better. yanno. i've hung out with my guy friend all week except today and wednesday. he told me last night that he thinks i'm cute and we've been like talking about it all day. i think he's super cute too and i really enjoy hanging around him but i feel bad bc i'm not looking for a relationship rn. i am crushing on him hard tho. yesterday we hung out for a bit it was really nice. he helped me fix apex so i could play and we played a couple matches last night. we were on facetime for a while but he had to do something and hung up the call. i ended up falling asleep waiting for him to call me back and i woke up to the message from him saying i was cute. it made me so happy but i didn't know if he said that to all his friends that are girls so i told him it made me happy and he said he wasn't expecting me to react like that and i said that i was happy bc it felt nice to be complimented and asked why he wasn't expecting my answer and he said that he felt nervous telling me and i asked why and he said he didn't know but i'm the only girl he gets nervous with so i think that means he likes me and idk how to feel.

so it's been a couple months it's currently april 6th. so after my guy friend told me he thought i was cute we ended up talking for a little while and hung out all the time. i asked him how he felt about me because i needed to know and he said he likes me he just doesn't know what he wants in a relationship so yanno that was a good sign. a bout 3 weeks go by and we were hanging out he had to leave bc it was 9 on a school night and he had a curfew when he was leaving i walked him out and i usually give him a hug before he leaves and tell him to drive safe and message me when he gets home so i know he's okay. but this time it went a little different. i gave him a hug and it was a longer hug bc it felt nice and we didn't wanna let go so i let go and looked him in the eyes and he just leans in and kisses me so i looked at him and was like "you know i really like you right?" and he was like "i know" and leans in to kiss me again. it was so cute i was so happy. then he left i texted him and was like "okay so that really happened right" and he was like "yes (my name) it really did" with the blushing emoji and i was like "okay good i thought i imagined that for a second. it felt too good to be real" so for like two weeks we were basically just talking so one day my parents were remodelling the house and the dogs were being loud so we were in my room and i just turned to him and was like "i have a question" he was like "what's up" so i said "what are we? like we kiss, cuddle, and hug all the time. like we're basically dating but i wanna know your thoughts about it" and he was like "well it's up to you" and i said "i would like to be dating but i don't wanna pressure you into something you don't wanna do" and he was like "okay then it's official" so basically we're dating now. we've been dating for about a month now.

i got my tongue pierced like 3 weeks ago i'm super happy about it bc i've wanted it done since i was like 12. we went into quarantine because of the coronavirus right after i got it done i'm kinda glad we did tho bc my tongue constantly hurt and i had a terrible lisp for like a week and it would've been weird to talk in school lmaooo

i've been doing something different with my hair like every week since quarantine. week one was pretty basic it was just buns and ponytails. week two was pony tails and a braided ponytail. week three i decided to cut my bangs. i thought since were quarantined it's a great time to do it because if i didn't like it i wouldn't have to show anyone yanno? but i've also just figured out how to french braid so i've been doing that too.

before i started writing this i was making a playlist of all the rock music i use to listen to it's about 2 and a half hours long. it took me like 15 minutes. i'm not done with it yet but it's doing pretty good tbh.

ughhh i had to rewrite that like 7 times cuz i closed out of it by accident trying to scroll to the top lmaooo anyways my thumbs are getting tired of typing imma leave this here. until next time. byeee