Married into Alpha Lord

Chapter 34 - End of Season I

Blame it on the alcohol or just simply call me a hypocrite.

I always act like I'm an individualist. I don't need anyone. I can live on my own. Having lived for so long, experiencing so many things, understanding fast knowledge often makes me feel that way.

Proud of my independence.

But in truth, I was just scared. Scared if I love someone, I would be left behind all by myself with the memories of that person but would never meet him or her again. Scared if I love too much, I couldn't forget them in my next life. Scared of feeling lost and heartbroken. Over and over.

I never told my secret to my lovers. I don't want them to worry about me. About the fact of how strange of a being I am. 'Till the death do us apart only applied to my loved one. Not to me.

Once, I told my loved one before about my secret. He tried to break the curse, and I ran away from him. This gift is inevitable. I hate it yet I can't let it go. I can't imagine having to start my life from zero again. Forgetting all the knowledge and experience. Forgetting all the memories. My entire life has been this way.

Since then, I decided not to love anyone anymore. I prefer being alone rather than living in this never-ending longing. I've experienced enough love stories. I realize that my thirst for knowledge is my self-defense mechanism against loneliness.

Even Though in fact, I still want to be loved. I want to fall in love like a normal person. Living life like I could be with them forever. The memories of my loved ones would make its way into my mind.

Here, I would live a life like several others before. I thought I wouldn't have any feelings towards Darren. He is just another man that I will soon leave behind. It's just an unfortunate event that I regain my memories after getting married to him. That's why I decided to tell him my secret. I thought I would never love him.

My bet was wrong. I never thought I could have a feeling for someone like him. Do I really love him? Or this loneliness finally found its way towards my mind?

Tears are starting to fall on the side of my eyes. The wall that I've built around my heart over many life ago slowly crumbled apart.

Darren pulled me closer, closing the distance between us. He slowly put his hand on my cheek, wiping the tears.

"The first time you fall sick when we head back from the training ground, Yuan told me that I might exhaust you and suggest that I... slow down," he suddenly said. Yes. I remember that time. "I admit that at first I just used you. The rumor about you doesn't exactly match with what I saw. I want to know who you really are and your limit," he continued. "Then, I learned about your secret and I feel so wrong to use you as my stress relief anymore," he said. I just stay there. Do not have any energy left to think or give any response.

"I understand if you won't believe me. Even I, feel like what I'm saying right now sounds like an excuse," Darren starts talking again. "But it's the truth. In fact, I know about your condition even before you come here. Your family told me about it before our marriage," Darren continued. I'm shocked. This information is new to me. So Caden's family already knew about it. Is it because I never met Caden's family so I forgot about this information? Or is Caden's family never told him about his condition?

"That's why your father never considered marrying you at first. It's just, your brother's situation surprises us all. No one can predict that." Darren said.

"Yet, both of our families want to tie relations, and you become the only option. Knowing the fact about your condition, we agree to revise the agreement. Getting an heir from you is never taken into consideration, as long as you become my sole official partner, our family will close their eyes."

I'm probably just being too sensitive right now, but after hearing all of this, I feel even more betrayed than before.

So he knew about it. So they knew since the very beginning?

An ironic smile comes into my face. I scoff at myself. I laugh at how stupid I am. I thought I was the brightest person in here, but I end up being the dumbest one.

Tears and laughter are mixed. This silly feeling of mine and ugly truth was so funny that I neither can stop laughing nor stop the tears.

Darren suddenly hugged me, tightly.

"I'm sorry, Caden," he said while hugging me. "I should be the one who told you. I should have told you long before."

My laughter slowly dies but my tears haven't dried up. I don't want to think or feel. "I really should have died at that time," I mumbled down.

"No!" Darren said immediately and cup my face, force me to look at him. It was strange to see a sad guilty sight from his eye. "You are worth more than that."

Right now, with too many revelations I can not decide the sentiment of his statement. The good parts in me said that Darren really cares for me now. While the devil thought that he just wanted to continue using my abilities. Using my knowledge from knowing my secret. 

Either way, I don't care anymore. I'm too tired to think. I curse myself for confronting him. I feel that not knowing would be much better. Better for both my mind and heart.

"Darren," I called his name, looking at his eyes. "Hold me tonight."

Without hesitation, Darren kissed me. A warm kiss to make me forget everything. I put my hands over his shoulder, pulling him closer, making our kiss deeper. Falling into his embrace. I slowly closed my eyes, enjoying the moment.